24 Monday, 9 November 2009 London Lite IN&OUTTONIGHT Mark the shows you love. See your own personal TV schedule. Share with your friends. Just text LL TV to 65400 Texts to 65400 are charged at standard rate. The service connects to the internet; data is charged at your operators standard rate. Free from London Lite BBC1 11AM 7PM 8PM 9PM 10PM 11PM TONIGHTSTV Hey you, 6PM Brilliant drama is car-crash TV Collision ITV1, 9pm Miranda BBC2, 8.30pm After the silencing of frankie Boyle, this, apparently, is what the BBC considers the acceptable face of comedy. Miranda stars the noticeably tall Miranda Hart, right. Shes well cast, playing a joke shop owner named Miranda, who is noticeably tall. Hart may possibly be a perfectly able performer, but given the execrable script here -- I defy you to laugh -- she comes on like Joyce Grenfell remembered in a bad acid trip, but with all the funny bits squeezed out. Not Forgotten: Soldiers Of Empire Channel 4, 8pm WHen we remember the first World War we may think of the stereotypical tommy, but in this documentary Ian Hislop wants to remind us that 250,000 soldiers drawn from all across the empire also died in the conflict. taking four case studies -- a Jamaican, an Indian Sikh, a Canadian native American and an Irish Catholic -- the presenter shows how, despite the racism of some parts of the British establishment, these men believed in the sense of duty to the King and mother country, even to the point of that ultimate sacrifice in battle. S hould you be reading in the reasonable expectation of finding out whats going on in the first episode of Collision, Im afraid Ill have to disappoint you. I havent the foggiest. This five-part series (ITV is aping BBC event TV like Criminal Justice by putting it on every night this week), centred around an eight-car motorway pile-up and its after- math, is bursting at the seams with untold secrets, making for whats certainly a tasty concoc- tion of entertaining drama. however, with more introduc- tions than at a debs ball to keep track of tonight, be pre- pared to play catch-up come part two tomorrow.Fast lane: Douglas Henshall (DI John Tolin) makes an impact Coronation Street ITV1, 7.30pm/8.30pm HAyley (Julie Hesmondhalgh, right) is now relief manager at the factory, but people are gossiping about tony, and she starts to wonder if she can do the job. Meanwhile, fiz decides the only way to get the house in decent shape before John comes back is to take the day off work. after two members of the force are involved in an accident that claims two lives. Flashbacks take us through the build-up before the collision, and we see a variety of very different lives: a young couple in the bloom of love, a piano teacher with a shady past, a high-ranking execs PA, whos plotting subterfuge, and a van driver with an illicit load. like I said, Im not quite sure what theyre up to yet, but I want to know more. Two things stretch credibility. First, some of the dialogue plain stinks: even dan Brown might red-pen some of these lines. Second, thinking about it, its strange every person involved in a random accident should have a dramatic past. So perhaps the trick is not to think about it and just enjoy. Be prepared to be taking notes, though. 11.00 to Buy Or not to Buy (r,S). 11.30 Car Booty (S); BBC news; Weather. 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S). 1.00 BBC news; Weather (S). 1.30 regional news And Weather (S). 1.45 Doctors (S). Johnny Briggs guest stars. 2.15 Murder, She Wrote (r,S). A famous, ailing playwright proposes to Jessica. 3.00 BBC news; Weather; regional news (S). 3.05 Mister Maker (r,S). 3.25 Uncle Max (r,S). luke loses his pet dog. 3.35 eliot Kid (r,S). 3.50 OOglies (r,S). 4.05 School Of Silence (S). 4.35 MI High (r,S). 5.00 newsround (S). 5.15 Weakest link (S). 6.00 BBC News (S); Weather. 6.30 BBC Regional News (S); Weather. 7.00 The One Show (S). Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley present reports on issues affecting people around the UK. 7.30 Inside Out (S). David Akinsanya accompanies police officers as they impound dangerous dogs, while an SAS veteran creates a refuge for traumatised soldiers returning home from tours of duty. followed by BBC News; Regional News. 8.00 EastEnders (S). romance blossoms for ronnie and Owen when a heart to heart in the Vic makes them realise they have something in common. 8.30 Panorama (S). Shelley Jofre reports on the increase in out-of-court punishments being used to deal with violent assaults, questioning if fines and cautions are enough to settle such cases. 9.00 Life (S,HD). 5/10. the focus turns to birds, revealing the role of their feathers, the ways in which they attract partners and the challenges they face during the nesting season. We learn about the courtship spectacle of the lesser flamingo on Kenyas lake Bogoria, and about chinstrap penguins in Antarctica. narrated by David Attenborough. 10.00 BBC News (S). 10.25 BBC Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 The Graham Norton Show (S). 6/13. Actor David tennant talks about filming his final episodes of Doctor Who, comedian Johnny Vegas discusses his role in Benidorm, and singer Alison Moyet looks back on her 25-year-long solo career and performs All Cried Out. 11.20 The Apprentice USA (S). 5/13. Donald trump asks the candidates to design a float for the Hollywood Holiday Parade to advertise the release of a new film, but both teams face challenges from unruly members. 12.05 the Apprentice USA (S); Weatherview. 12.55 Sign Zone: last Chance to See (r,S). 1.55 Sign Zone: An Island Parish (r,S). 2.25 Sign Zone: Defying Gravity (r,S). 3.10 Sign Zone: Watchdog (r,S). 4.10 BBC news (S). PREVIEW BEN FELSENBURG Somehow, though, while cramming in characters like students in a telephone box, writer Anthony horowitz has crafted a story that earns our interest. A strong cast is led by douglas henshall as dI John Tolin, the Met officer tasked with find- ing out whats happened Hey you, index.html2.html3.html4.html5.html6.html7.html8.html9.html10.html11.html12.html13.html14.html15.html16.html17.html18.html19.html20.html21.html22.html23.html24.html25.html26.html27.html28.html29.html30.html31.html32.html33.html34.html35.html36.html37.html38.html39.html40.html41.html42.html43.html