SOHO THEATRE Dean St, W1 (020 7478 0100). Tube: Tottenham Court Rd Comedy Club 4 Kids. James Campbell returns with his stand-up act aimed at children over the age of six. Today 1pm, 10, family 30 Colin Hoults Carnival Of Monsters. Character comedy. 8pm, 10-12 Shappi Khorsandi: The Distracted Activist. A new show from the Iranian-born comic. 9.30pm, 10 & 15, concs 12.50 Tom Wrigglesworth: Open Return Letter To Richard Branson. The comic argues for people to make a stand, based on his experience of witnessing a train manager abusing his position. 9.30pm, 12, concs 10 THE SPECTATOR Little Britain, EC1 (0870 446 0616). Tube: St Pauls The Funny Side...Of The City. With David James, Lee Nelson, Matt Welcome and compere, Craig Murray. 7.30pm, 12.50 STORM Leicester Sq, WC2 (07760 488119). Tube: Leicester Sq 99 Club Leicester Sq. With Matt Green, James Dowdeswell, Yianni Agisilaou and MC Brett Goldstein. 8.30pm, 16, concs 14, two for one VERVE Upper St Martins Lane, WC2 (020 7395 1200). Tube: Leicester Sq Sabrosura. Live stand-up. 8.30pm, phone for prices THE WATER POET Folgate St, E1 (020 7426 0495). Tube/Rail: Liverpool St Best In Stand-Up. With Matt Green, Daniel Rigby and MC David Hannah. 8pm, 10 HEN AND CHICKENS St Pauls Rd, N1 (020 7704 2001). Tube/Rail: Highbury & Islington The 80s Movie Flashback. A comic look at 1980s movie characters and where they are now, starring Rachel Anderson, Rik Moore and Fraser. 9.30pm, 5 THE CAMDEN HEAD Camden High St, NW1 (020 7485 4019). Rail: Camden Rd; Tube: Camden Town The Stephen Carlin Project. MC Stephen Carlin introduces observational humour from Nat Luurtsema, Doc Brown and Nick Helm. 7.30pm, 8 THE LOCKSIDE LOUNGE West Yard Dock, NW1 (020 7284 0007). Tube: Camden Town Strong & Wrong Lockside Lock In. A monthly comedy night showcasing stand-up, sketch and character comedy. phone for details THE OLD KINGS HEAD Kings Head Yard, SE1 (07899 885752). Up The Arts Comedy. Featuring Holly Walsh, Pete Johansson, Iain Lee, Tom Webb and MC Paul Ricketts. 8.30pm, 8 RICH MIX Bethnal Green Rd, E1 (020 7613 7498). Tube: Aldgate East/Old St Judy Batalion: The Only Jew In The Village. The shares witty observations on British culture. 7.30pm, 12, concs 10 THE ROUND TABLE St Martins Court, WC2 (07955 194 255). Tube: Leicester Sq The Comedy Manifesto. Kate Smurthwaite presents a satirical panel show. 8.30pm, 7, concs 5 COMEDY STORE Oxendon St, SW1 (020 7930 2967). Tube: Piccadilly Circus The Best In Stand Up. With Hal Cruttenden, Tim Clark, Paul Zenon, Andi Osho and MC Micky Flanagan. 8pm, 16 THE CORNER STORE Wellington St, WC2 (0870 446 0616). Tube: Covent Gdn The Funny Side...Of Covent Gdn. With Matt Welcome, David James, Lee Nelson and compere, Cameron Blair. 8pm, 12.50 THE DISTILLERS ARMS Fulham Palace Rd, W6 (020 8748 2834). Tube: Hammersmith Fabulous Comedy Club. Stand-up comedy session. 7.30pm, free DOWNSTAIRS AT THE KINGS HEAD Crouch End Hill, N8 (020 8340 1028). Tube/Rail: Finsbury Park Legendary Comedy Try Out Night. Stand-up from comics including Gerry Erhard, Henry Widdicombe, David Hamilton, Hannah Isherwood and MC David Morgan. 8pm, 4, concs 3 ETCETERA THEATRE Camden High St, NW1 (020 7482 4857). Tube: Camden Town Helen Arney: 8 1/2 Songs About Love (And Other Myths). Songs and stand-up about lovers and liars from the 2008 Funny Women semi-finalist. 9.30pm, 6.50, 7.50 THEFYMFYGBAR.COM Cambridge Heath Rd, E2 (020 7613 1057). Tube: Bethnal Green Random Thursdays At The FymFygBar.Com. With Lee Hurst, Hal Cruttenden, Chris McCausland and Alistair Barrie. 8pm, 10 SYNCOPATION AT 101 BAR Residents spin soul, funk and house. New Oxford St WC1 (020 7379 3112). Tube: Tottenham Court Rd. Today 4pm-3am, free TAPE THE TOP 40 AT THE MONARCH, BAR Hits from the 1980s and 1990s. Chalk Farm Rd NW1 (020 7482 2054). Tube: Chalk Farm. midnight- late, phone for prices TEENAGE KICKS AT THE ROXY Indie and rock tracks from across the decades courtesy of David and Eko. Rathbone Place W1 (020 7255 1098). Tube: Tottenham Court Rd. 10pm-3am, 5, w/flyer 4 THE SECT AT CATCH Indie club night with resident DJs and live acts. Kingsland Rd E2 (020 7729 6097). Tube/Rail: Old St. 9pm-2am, phone for prices CLUB TROPICANA AT THE WORSHIP Retro 80s disco anthems night. Triton Court, Finsbury Sq EC2 (020 7330 0929). Tube/Rail: Moorgate. 7pm-late, free TOGA ME AT THE GREEN CARNATION The residents supply Balearic beats. Greek St W1 (020 7434 3323). Tube: Tottenham Court Rd. 9pm-2am, phone for prices WHISKEY AND BLOOD DJS@THE OLD BLUE LAST Indie and electro from resident DJs. Great Eastern St EC2 (020 7739 5793). Tube/Rail: Old St. 8pm-late, phone for prices YOYO AT NOTTING HILL ARTS CLUB Seb Chew and Leo Greenslade spin hip hop, R&B and old school drum&bass. Notting Hill Gate W11 (020 7460 4459). Tube: Notting Hill Gate 7pm-2am, 7, 5 before 11pm COMEDY LOWDOWN AT THE ALBANY Great Portland St, W1 (020 7387 5706). Tube: Regents Park/Great Portland St Jon Briley At Good Sense Of Humour. Jim Smallman introduces observational humour from James Sherwood, Terry Saunders, Marcel Lucont and Tony Law. 8pm, 5 APOLLO THEATRE Shaftesbury Ave, W1 (0870 890 1101). Tube: Piccadilly Circus Dylan Moran: What It Is. Dry humour from the star of Black Books. 8pm, 20-35, concs available, Premium Seats 65 THE BLOOMSBURY THEATRE Gordon St, WC1 (020 7388 8822). Tube/Rail: Euston We Are Klang - Live DVD Recording. Sketch comedy troupe performing a stage version of their BBC3 show. 7pm & 9pm, 12, concs 10 CANAL CAFE THEATRE Delamere Terrace, W2 (020 7289 6054). Tube: Warwick Ave Newsrevue. Topical sketches and songs. 9.30pm, 9.50, concs 7.50 CARAMEL BAR Kentish Town Rd, NW5 (07932 338203). Monkey Business. With Hannah Warman, Lois Mill, Samuel John, Jenny Carina, Mark Stephenson, Dan McKee, Spanish Old Man, Will Marsh, James Birk and Jonathan Bentata. 8.45pm, 6.50, concs 5 COMEDY CAFE Rivington St, EC2 (020 7739 5706). Tube/Rail: Old St Best In Stand Up. With Martin Davis, Tom Craine, Tiffany Stevenson and Tim Clark. 9pm, 8 THE COMEDY PUB Oxendon St, SW1 (020 7839 7261). Tube: Leicester Sq Comedy Manifesto. With Satirical news panel show hosted by Kate Smurthwaite. 8.30pm, 7 TAMERHASSAN DANNYDYER BRENDABLETHYN AND CURTIS50CENT JACKSON GET ALL THE LATEST FILM NEWS AT AMAZING...AMUST-SEEMOVIE! KISS100 CERT 15 ANALL-ACTIONADRENALINEPUMPINGTHRILL-RIDE talkSPORT MAGAZINE TEXT RUNNING TO 84433 To download your video/trailer All texts are charged at standard rate plus your network charges. Your standard network data charges will apply. IN CINEMA$ NOW 24HOURS 100GRANDTOPAY WHEREYOUGONNARUN? MOVIEOFTHEWEEK PLENTYOFCRACKINGONE-LINERS,LOTSOF MADVIOLENCEANDTHEODDHOTGIRL ALLINAMENTAL90MINUTES. GOSEEIT! ZO0 LISTINGS LISTINGS FOLLY! AT PROUD CABARET Retro and speakeasy-style tunes from DJ El Nino, plus live vintage music, comedy and burlesque. Minster Court EC3 (0207 482 3867). 8.30pm-5am, phone for prices FONDUE NIGHT AT LOST SOCIETY DJs play 80s classics. Wandsworth Rd SW8 (020 7652 6526). Rail: Wandsworth Rd. 9pm- 1am, free HOT WUK AT THE BIG CHILL HOUSE Dancehall reggae, bashment, UK funky and hip hop. Pentonville Rd N1 (020 7427 2540). Tube/Rail: Kings Cross. 8pm-1am, free HOUSE OF THE RISING FUNK AT ZEN SAI DJ Claudio spins reggae and soul. Inverness St NW1 (020 7424 9527). 10pm-2am, phone for prices KINGS OF HOUSE AT AQUUM BAR Soul and uplifting house from resident DJs. Clapham High St SW4 (020 7627 2726). phone for details KIT KAT KABARET AT CELLAR DOOR Seductive swing duo and regular Thursday night residents Kitty La Roar and Nick Of Time mash-up everything from Big Spender to Smells Like Teen Spirit. Aldwych WC2 (020 7240 8848). Tube/Rail: Charing Cross, Temple. phone for details LADIES NIGHT FOXXY AT YATESS Simon Faulkner spins hip hop, R&B, indie, rock retro and funk. Leicester Sq WC2 (020 7839 7967). Tube: Leicester Sq. 9pm-late, phone for prices LATIN KRAZY AT SALSA! Salsa, merengue, bachata and reggaeton. Charing Cross Rd WC2 (020 7379 3277). Tube: Tottenham Court Rd. 7.30pm-late, 4, free before 9pm LIP SERVICE AT THE BOOGALOO A night of musical tributes to Depeche Mode. Archway Rd N6 (020 8340 2928). Tube: Highgate. 9pm-late, phone for prices LITTLE BARRIE PRESENTS... AT ALBERT AND PEARL The band members play their favourite rocknroll, indie and northern soul records. Upper St N1 (020 7354 9993). Tube: Highbury And Islington. 5pm-late, free MESSY FINGERS AT ELECTRICTY SHOWROOMS DJs Joe Dangerous and LeonLeon play rocknroll, indie, pop and electronica. Hoxton Sq N1 (020 7739 3939). Tube/Rail: Old St. 7pm-midnight, free MOD N MINI NIGHT AT ACE CAFE DJ Little Diane plays soul classics. North Circular Rd NW10 (020 8961 1000). Tube: Hanger Lane. 6pm-late, free MOVIMIENTOS AT CHAMUCOS DJs Cal Jader and Clem George play Salsa, hip hop, Latin, reggae, funk and electro plus Longjon La Flecha performs live. Bethnal Green Rd E1 (020 7749 9670). 7pm-1am, free NUBIENT AT THE BIG CHILL BAR Downtempo. With a live set from pianist Rich Batsford. Drury Walk E1 (020 7392 9180). Tube/Rail: Liverpool St. 7pm- midnight, free OFF MODERN AT CORSICA STUDIOS Indie electro disco. Farrell Court SE17 (020 7703 4760). Tube: Elephant And Castle. 9pm-3am, 5, free before 10pm ONEONETWO TO ONETWOFOUR BBE AT SOSHO Brazilian, 1970s funk, jazz, hip hop, soul, garage, disco and techno. Tabernacle St EC2 (020 7920 0701). Tube/Rail: Old St. 7pm-1am, free RETRO GROOVES AT BABBLE 70s, 80s and 90s classics. Berkeley Sq W1 (020 7758 8255). Tube: Green Park. phone for details RETROSEXUAL AT KU BAR Tasty Tim spins 80s music. Lisle St WC2 (020 7437 4303). Tube: Leicester Sq. 10pm-3am, phone for prices RETRO AT PARKER MCMILLAN Resident DJs spin retro 1980s tunes. Chiswell St EC1 (020 7256 5883). Tube/Rail: Barbican. phone for details RIF RAF AT PARADISE BY WAY OF KENSAL GREEN Soul and funk DJs. Kilburn Lane W10 (020 8969 0098). Tube: Kensal Green. 7pm-1am, free RUMBA THURSDAY AT BAR RUMBA Resident DJs play hip hop, soul, rare groove, funk and dancehall. Shaftesbury Ave W1 (020 7287 2715). Tube: Piccadilly Circus. 9pm- 3.30am, 10, adv 5 SALSA WITH GERALDO & MAGDALEINA AT FIESTA HAVANA Salsa, plus dance classes. Fulham Rd SW6 (020 7381 5005). Tube: Fulham Broadway. 8pm-late, intermediate, advanced, 4, free before 10pm SMASH & GRAB AT PROUD Indie and electro. The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd NW1 (020 7482 3867). Tube: Camden Town. 7.30pm-2.30am, 8, 5 before 10pm SOCIALIZE AT THE ELUSIVE CAMEL Soul, funky house and rare groove. Gillingham St SW1 (020 7233 9004). Tube/Rail: Victoria. 7pm- 11.30pm, free SOUNDS OF SOHO AT BAR SOHO Dance, house, chart and pop. Old Compton St W1 (020 7439 0439). Tube: Leicester Sq. 7pm-late, phone for prices SOULFUL HOUSE AT THE DOGSTAR The resident DJs spin soul and house. Coldharbour Lane SW9 (020 7733 7515). Tube/Rail: Brixton. 7.30pm-late, 5 SOUL & R&B NIGHT AT THE PLOUGH INN Residents spin soul and R&B. Wood St E17 (07766 964 420). Tube/ Rail: Walthamstow Central. 8pm-late, phone for prices STARTING YOUR WEEKEND EARLY! AT APT Dance and party classics. Queen St EC4 (020 7618 9020). Tube: Mansion House. phone for details London Lite Thursday, 5 November 2009 35 Mixmag Xmas Party FATBOY SLIM, right, A-Trak and Kissy Sellout put their Santa hats on and spin those elfish wheels at Matters Crimbo shindig for Englands dance bible. Theyre not insisting on fancy dress but youd be a real spoilsport not to polish your red nose. 4 Dec, Matter, The 02, Peninsula Sq SE10 (020 7549 6686), 10pm, 20, 15 adv. 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