TELEVISION Filmchoice FILM RATINGS excellent very good good average poor KEY (R)repeat (S)subtitles on text service STEPHEN MARR BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Five London Lite Thursday, 22 October 2009 27 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S). 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.55 London News And Weather (S). 2.00 60 Minute Makeover (S). 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S). With Barbara Dickson and Rosemary Shrager. 3.59 London Weather (S). 4.00 Midsomer Murders (R,S). Part one of two. The sleepy village of Burton Mantle becomes the venue for foul play, involving a local commune whose leader is killed in a violent fashion. Concludes tomorrow. 5.00 Britains Best Dish (S). The final Midlands heat. Mark Nicholas presents. 6.00 London Tonight (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News (S); Weather. 7.00 Emmerdale (S). Cain returns to the village, and Ashley discovers the Bishop is once again interfering by rearranging Sallys counselling session with Vincent. 7.30 Countrywise (S). 32/36. Paul Heiney tastes fruits including medlar and quince on a visit to a centuries-old Essex farm and jam factory. Plus a report on the West Somerset Steam Railway. 8.00 Emmerdale (S). Disgusted that Charity is only interested in money, Cain offers her 20,000 to leave the village and never return. 8.30 Coronation Street (S). As the Connors prepare to leave for Liams christening, Carla (Alison King) sends Tony a message demanding he refuse to be the babys godfather. Meanwhile, Kevin sees the positive side of Rosie losing all Johns money. 9.00 The Bill (S,HD). A frantic mother reports her car has been stolen with her baby still strapped inside. The suspect is soon traced, but the child is not recovered until later when her father, following an alleged tip-off, traces her to an alleyway where she is found distressed and badly bruised, still strapped in her car seat. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather (S). 10.30 London News And Weather (S). 10.35 Piers Morgans Life Stories: Boris Becker (R,S). 2/6. Piers Morgan hosts an intimate chat with German tennis legend Boris Becker, who first won Wimbledon in 1985 and went on to secure 49 ATP Tour titles, until his retirement in 1999. 11.35 Surface (S). 14/15. As Laura considers going back home, she and Rich decide it is time to get some answers from Lee. Meanwhile, Miles gets into trouble with the locals after a violent incident with a bully. 12.30 British Superbike Championship Highlights. Action from all three races from Oulton Park. 1.40 Motorsport UK (S); ITV News Headlines. 2.35 Loose Women (R). With Justin Lee Collins and Lisa Snowdon. 3.25 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Morning News (S). Alison King 8.30pm, Coronation Street 11.00 BBC Primary History (S). 11.20 KS2 Science Clips (S). 11.30 KS2 Science Clips (S). 11.40 BBC Primary Geography (S). 11.50 Focus (S). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 12.30 Working Lunch (S). 1.00 All Saints (S). 1.45 Animal Park (S). 2.15 Car Booty (R,S). From Hove near Brighton. 3.00 Diagnosis Murder (R,S). Dr Sloan strives to prove a lawyers guilt. 3.45 Flog It! Ten Of The Best (R,S). Bargains spotted by members of the public. 4.30 Are You An Egghead? (S). Quiz show. 5.15 Escape To The Country (S). A couple look for their first home in Devon. 6.00 Eggheads (S). Quiz, hosted by Jeremy Vine, in which the winners of famous game shows work as a team to tackle a new set of challengers. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing -- It Takes Two (S). Claudia Winkleman hosts the daily fanzine devoted to the ballroom dancing show. 7.00 The Culture Show (S,HD). 1/8. New series. Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo present a special edition from the London Film Festival, featuring an interview with David Morrissey on his directorial debut, Dont Worry About Me, which is showing in competition at the event. Plus, Miranda Sawyer brings the latest from the Frieze Art Fair in Regents Park. See Ben Felsenburg 8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals (S). 29/29. The three finalists face their toughest challenge yet. They are tasked with sharing the responsibility for preparing a three-course menu designed by Michel Roux Jr for 30 of the worlds leading chefs. Last in the series. See Ben Felsenburg 9.30 Never Mind The Buzzcocks (S). 4/13. Jack Whitehall takes the hot seat to guest host the comedy music quiz, with team captains Noel Fielding and Phill Jupitus joined by musician Mr Hudson, Rochelle Wiseman from the Saturdays, Loose Womens Andrea McLean and actor Stephen Mangan. 10.00 Home Time (S,HD). 6/6. Gaynor confronts the Coventry gossip grapevine when an invitation to a school reunion causes rumours about why she disappeared. However, a fire threatens the event, and she reveals the secret she has been keeping about her time away. Last in the series. 10.30 Newsnight (S). Followed by Weather. 11.20 Doves: Electric Proms (S). The rockers perform with the London Bulgarian Choir. All tonights songs have been rearranged by Avshalom Caspi for the 35-strong ensemble. Edith Bowman presents highlights from the performance. 12.05 Defying Gravity (R,S). Sci-fi drama about eight astronauts in the year 2052. 12.50 Defying Gravity (R,S). 1.30 BBC News (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone: Schools: More Than Sport. 5.00 Class Clips Science: Darwin -- Animals (S). Jack Whitehall 9.30pm, Never Mind The Buzzcocks 11.00 Lifeproof TV (R,S). 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories (R,S). 12.00 News At Noon (S). 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: Juggling Homelessness (S). 12.35 Wife Swap USA (S). 1.35 Film: Timberjack (S) (1954). A lumberman clashes with his rival as he sets out to discover the reasons for his fathers death. Western drama, with Sterling Hayden and David Brian. 3.25 Countdown (S). With Lesley Garrett. 4.10 Deal Or No Deal (S). Another contestant hopes to win big money. 5.00 The Paul OGrady Show (S). With Alison Moyet and Alex Walkinshaw. 6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 7/21. A health inspector eats a pickled egg at Moes and instantly drops dead. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Archie resolves to help his sister and tells Lydia he is launching a campaign to prove Zoes innocence, and Tony fires Natty and Ste from Il Gnosh. 7.00 News (S). 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: One Day In Handsworth (S). 4/4. Cast members on Penny Woolcocks 1 Day share their views on filming the drama. Written and shot with the help of the National Film and Television School. Last in the series. 8.00 Location, Location, Location (S). 12/13. Phil Spencer revisits two couples who were looking for their perfect property 24 months ago. Rebecca and Joe from Warwickshire needed a family home with space for their trio of racing camels. In Essex, Steve and Dee had 1million to spend but a long list of requirements, including a swimming pool and a squirrel-shaped hedge. 9.00 The Bigamist Bride: My Five Husbands (S). Cutting Edge examines the story of 30-year-old Emily Horne, a former glamour model who married five times but never got divorced. Leaving in her wake a string of husbands, she has served one jail sentence for bigamy and was recently on trial again. See Ben Felsenburg 10.35 Saw III (S) (2006). Premiere. Gruesome killer Jigsaw returns for one final deadly game with some more unsuspecting victims. Weakened by his fatal illness, the menacing criminal draws on his protges help to kidnap a doctor to help him stay alive long enough to witness his final gory adventure. Horror, starring Tobin Bell, Shawnee Smith and Angus MacFadyen. 12.40 Film: Black Rain (S,HD) (1989). Thriller, starring Michael Douglas. See Film Choice 3.00 The Force (R,S). The work of Portsmouths specialist rape unit, intended to improve a conviction rate which can be as low as five per cent due to the unique difficulties such investigations pose. 3.55 Unreported World (R,S). The abuse of children in post-war Liberia. 4.20 Dispatches: Ready For A Riot (R,S). 5.15 Countdown (R,S). With Lesley Garrett. Paul OGrady 5pm, The Paul OGrady Show 10.45 Trisha Goddard (R,S). 11.45 Diet Doctors: Inside And Out (R,S). A man suffering from a sleep disorder receives help. 12.40 Five News (S). 12.50 How To Be A Property Developer (R,S). 1.45 Neighbours (S). 2.15 Home And Away (S). Geoff and Aden come to blows on the trawler. 2.50 I Own Britains Best Home: Flying Visits (R,S). Highlights from the property show. 3.05 Film: Revenge Of The Middle-Aged Woman (S) (2004). Drama, starring Christine Lahti. 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky (S). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S). 6.00 Home And Away (R,S). Geoff and Aden head out together on the trawler, but end up coming to blows. 6.25 Live From Studio Five (S). Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh host the magazine show featuring location reports, celebrity interviews and showbiz gossip. 7.30 Live UEFA Europa League Football (S). Fulham v AS Roma (kick-off 8.05pm). All the action from the Group E matchday three clash at Craven Cottage. Roy Hodgsons men are currently top of the table after their opening two matches and will be hoping to make home advantage count against the three-time Italian champions. Commentary by Dave Woods. 10.20 Blade (S) (1998). A half- vampire possesses all the strengths inherent in bloodsuckers with none of their weaknesses, and is determined to wipe the monsters from the face of the Earth. However, he faces a deadly new threat in a renegade vampire. Action thriller, starring Wesley Snipes, Stephen Dorff and Kris Kristofferson. See Film Choice 12.30 SuperCasino. 4.00 NFL Replay (R). Atlanta Falcons v Chicago Bears. Highlights of the clash between the respective NFC South and NFC North sides at the Georgia Dome. 4.45 Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of volunteers treating sick, injured and orphaned animals at a wildlife sanctuary. 5.10 Neighbours (R,S). Harry becomes increasingly concerned about Zeke as he displays further signs of compulsive behaviour, and Declan struggles to provide support for his daughter. 5.35 Home And Away (R,S). Melinda Messenger 6.25pm, Live From Studio Five Jaws ITV4, 10.30pm (1975) THIS film is simplicity itself, from the straight-line plot (there are no twists or I am your father revelations) to the essentially two-note soundtrack. But it is gripping, superbly paced and -- for anyone who hasnt seen it -- still an effective thriller. Steven Spielberg directs Richard Dreyfuss, Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw, and the rather difficult chap above. Black Rain Channel 4, 12.40am (1989) NICK CONKLIN (Michael Douglas, above) suffers every cops worst nightmare. Hes assigned to return a Japanese crook to his homeland but the felon escapes custody almost as soon as they touch down in Japan. Ever-so-slightly dated nowadays, but still a good action film from director Ridley Scott. Also stars Andy Garcia and Kate Mrs Spielberg Capshaw. Clear And Present Danger Film4, 9pm (1994) IF I was a CIA agent trying to prosecute an illegal war, Id hate a guy like Jack Ryan. In this film, hes the only beacon of righteousness after being drawn into a war between a drug lord and the US government. My question is: if the CIA is happy to do illegal stuff, why dont they just pop a cap in Jacks ass while nobodys looking? Stars Harrison Ford, above. Blade Five, 10.20pm (1998) BLADE is a unique superhero. Hes a half-vampire, which usually puts him on the side of the baddies rather than the goodies. But Blade (Wesley Snipes, above) uses his skills to track down and eliminate all bloodsuckers. Action and gunplay tend to cover up some of the thinner elements of the plot. Also stars Kris Kristofferson, whose name is thoroughly enjoyable to say, and Stephen Dorff.