London Lite Tuesday, 13 October 2009 23 TELEVISION Filmchoice FILM RATINGS excellent very good good average poor KEY (R)repeat (S)subtitles on text service Barefoot In The Park Film4, 6.55pm (1967) Paul and Corie Bratter are a young couple living in a tiny New York apartment. Hes conservative, shes impulsive -- together, theyre a disaster. Despite a good chemistry between Robert Redford and Jane Fonda, above, it doesnt have the same spark as The Odd Couple (a similar idea also from playwright Neil Simon) released a year later. Mean Machine Film4, 9pm (2001) DO PRISON inmates really play football against the wardens, or is it just a popular fantasy of script writers. Vinnie Jones, above, is a professional footballer who is banged up for assault, and then leads a team of inmates against the screws. Despite the fact that its not directed by Guy Ritchie, it also stars Danny Dyer, Jason Flemyng and Jason Statham. You, Me And Dupree ITV2, 10pm (2006) THIS film was panned by the critics when it was released and, for the life of me, I cant see why. It wont win any academy awards but its an entertaining story and it stars Kate Hudson, Owen Wilson, Matt Dillon, Michael Douglas and Seth Rogen. a best man decides to stay with the newlyweds after the ceremony -- with hilarious consequences. Screamers ITV4, 11.10pm (1995) FROM the mind of Philip K Dick -- the sci-fi author who brought us 1982s Blade Runner -- comes a nightmarish future world where man battles robot. Machines called Screamers had been designed to fight our battles for us, but decided that the best way to avoid a war was to kill the cause of war: mankind. a small band of soldiers, led by Peter Weller, above, must save humanity. STEPHEN MARR BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Five 10.30 This Morning (S). With Ozzy Osbourne, Jackie Collins and Paloma Faith. 12.30 loose Women (S). 1.30 ITV lunchtime News (S). 1.55 london News and Weather (S). 2.00 60 Minute Makeover (S). a home transformation in Newcastle-under-lyme, Staffordshire. 3.00 The alan Titchmarsh Show (S). With ashley Pearson. 3.59 london Weather (S). 4.00 Midsomer Murders (R,S). Part two of two. Barnaby researches Melvyn Stockards background. 5.00 Britains Best Dish (S). The South East of England heats. 6.00 London Tonight (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News (S); Weather. 7.00 Emmerdale (S). ashley covers for Sally when Vincent arrives in the village searching for her, and Jai undermines Nikhil by offering the haulage contract to the Kings. 7.30 Grimefighters (S,HD). 12/24. Cleaners tackle a rat infestation, a sewage specialist finds himself waist-deep in human waste, and an eye is kept on an operation to unload 25,000 tons of coal dust. 8.00 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? (S). Chris Tarrant invites another line-up of contestants to answer questions that could change their lives -- with lifelines ask the audience, Phone a Friend and 50-50 available to them if they get stuck. 9.00 Joan Does Glamour (S). Joan Collins brings a touch of Hollywood stardust to three generations of one Plymouth family as she tries to convert them to her brand of elegance and style. The actor hits the high street and works her makeover magic in readiness for the 16th birthday party of family member Holli little Fair. Narrated by Neil Pearson. See Ben Felsenburg 10.00 News At Ten And Weather (S). 10.30 London News And Weather (S). 10.35 Dishing The Dirt (S). 1/4. New series. Rebecca Wilcox and Phil Vickery reveal what really goes on behind closed doors in restaurants and takeaways as they take a look at Britains 70billion food industry. 11.30 In Plain Sight (S). 6/15. Stan becomes the chief suspect when his witness turns up dead and his badge is found among the bones forcing Mary and Marshall to dig deeper into a 20-year-old love triangle. 12.25 Red Bull air Race. The final round of the season. 1.15 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Mystery (R,S); ITV News Headlines. 2.10 loose Women (R). With leslie ash. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Talk show. 3.50 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Morning News (S). 11.00 BBC Primary Geography (S). 11.20 KS2 Science Clips (S). 11.30 Telling Tales (S). 11.35 Telling Tales (S). 11.40 lets Write a Story (S). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 12.30 Working lunch (S). 1.00 all Saints (S). 1.45 animal Park (R,S). 2.30 Open House (R,S). 3.00 Diagnosis Murder (R,S). 3.45 Flog It! Ten Of The Best (S). Horse-themed highlights. 4.30 are You an Egghead? (S). Past quiz show winners compete to join Eggheads. 5.15 Escape To The Country (S). Denise Nurse meets a military couple who are looking to settle down for good in Dorset. 6.00 Eggheads (S). Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing -- It Takes Two (S). Claudia Winkleman is joined by this weeks saved couple and examines the highs and lows of the weekends performances in Choreography Corner. 7.00 Wainwright Walks (R,S). 3/6. Julia Bradbury attempts to make her way along a scenic ridge-mile in lakeland as she retraces the walks and climbs of alfred Wainwright. 7.30 Heir Hunters (R,S). 10/15. The team searches for the relatives of a man who left 350,000 but no will before the Treasury takes the money. The probate detectives also investigate other unclaimed estates. 8.15 MasterChef: The Professionals (S). 22/29. as the competition draws closer to its climax, the two winners from the fourth quarter-final go head to head. The pair are challenged to cook at Michelin-starred restaurant The Square in Mayfair under the supervision of Philip Howard, before preparing two dishes for Michel Roux Jr and Gregg Wallace. 9.00 Horizon (S). Dr John Marsden examines the dangers of over- indulging in alcohol, investigating why so many people drink to excess and studying its long-term effects on the human body, particularly the brain. He probes the role of genetics in addiction, and experiments with a designer drug being developed to replicate the benefits of alcohol, without the dangers. 10.00 Later Live -- With Jools Holland (S,HD). 5/10. Performances by american blues musician Seasick Steve, australian hard rockers Wolfmother, post-punk group Magazine, soul singer Jimmy Ruffin and British electro-pop duo la Roux. See Ben Felsenburg 10.30 Newsnight (S). Followed by Weather. 11.20 The Choir Revisited (R,S). Gareth Malone reflects on the time he spent at Northolt High School, where he set himself the challenge of creating a choir good enough to compete on the world stage. He discusses how the experience has changed his and the childrens lives. 12.20 BBC News (S). 4.00 BBC learning Zone: Schools: Class Clips -- Secondary History -- Witness: Civil Rights In The uSa. The Civil Rights movement. 5.00 Schools: Race -- Changing attitudes (S). 11.00 lifeproof TV (R,S). 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories (R,S). Tom asserts himself. 12.00 News at Noon (S). 12.30 Glamour Puds (S). 1.00 Film: Ice Cold In alex (S) (1958). an alcoholic army officer leads the crew and patients of an ambulance across the libyan desert. Second World War drama, with John Mills, Sylvia Syms and Harry andrews. 3.25 Countdown (S). With Penny Smith. 4.10 Deal Or No Deal (S). Game show, with Noel Edmonds. 5.00 The Paul OGrady Show (S). american Idol winner Jordin Sparks joins the host. 6.00 The Simpsons (S). 20/21. Ned Flanders takes in a pair of female lodgers, but they soon prompt him to consider moving from Springfield. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Nancy withdraws her statement against Jake when she realises social services could become involved. 7.00 News (S). 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Frieze Films (S). Danish art collective Superflex employs the talents of a hypnotist to invite viewers to experience the horrors of the global financial crisis through the eyes of american billionaire George Soros. 8.00 How To Look Good Naked (S). 3/10. Gok Wan heads for Derbyshire, where he aims to revamp the wardrobe of an avid horse-rider who only feels comfortable in baggy back-yard clothes that hide her figure. unfazed by his charges initial reluctance, the stylist helps her to implement radical changes to her look, resulting in a make-over. 9.00 The Force (S). 1/3. New series. With crimes that were once considered the preserve of inner- city law-breakers now becoming routine fare nationwide, this documentary reveals the challenges facing the Hampshire Constabulary. Officers launch an inquiry into the discovery of a womans body, found burned beyond recognition. See Ben Felsenburg 10.40 Derren Brown: Trick Of The Mind (R,S). 3/6. The illusionist visits Whitby in Yorkshire, where he dazzles locals with a trick involving a deck of cards. He also delves into the psyche of former cabinet minister Mo Mowlam, and a clock expert finds that spending time with the conjuror can be frustrating. 11.10 The Real Housewives Of New Jersey (S). 7/10. The series revisits the eventful dinner party that saw the housewives and their families argue over Danielles past. 12.10 4Music: alesha Dixon: Video Exclusive. a showing of the singers video To love again. 12.15 late Night Poker. 1.15 World Superbikes. 1.45 FIa GT Championship (R,S). 2.10 World Sport (R,S). 2.35 The Track and Field Show (R,S). 3.05 Freesports On 4 (R,S). 4.00 Channel 4 Education (S). 10.45 Trisha Goddard (R,S). 11.45 Breaking Into Tesco (R,S). 12.40 Five News (S). 12.50 How To Be a Property Developer (R,S). 1.45 Neighbours (S). Declan tries to get a confession from Johnno. 2.15 Home and away (S). Indi has a serious accident. 2.50 I Own Britains Best Home: Flying Visits (R,S). Highlights from the property show. 3.05 Film: The Nanny Express (S) (2008). Premiere. Drama, starring Vanessa Marcil and Brennan Elliott. 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky (S). The days headlines. 5.30 Neighbours (R,S). 6.00 Home And Away (R,S). Indi tries to blot out the pain of seeing Sid and Nicole kiss. 6.30 Live From Studio Five (S). Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh host the magazine show featuring location reports, celebrity interviews and showbiz gossip. 7.30 Monkey Life (R,S). a baby chimp tries to prove he is grown up enough to go it alone. The Bachelor Boys reputation takes a knock when they become frightened of a new toy. Two of Hananyas charges pluck up the courage to explore their surroundings, and the Chilean capuchins get their first taste of life in the outside world. Followed by Five News Update. 8.00 Nature Shock (S). New series. In 1997, tourists on a boat 27 miles west of San Francisco were stunned to see a great white shark being killed and eaten by an orca. Marine biologists speculate on how the killer whale was able to overpower its adversary, and question whether this event warrants a reconsideration of the oceans food chain. Followed by Five News At 9. 9.00 CSI: Miami (S). 16/25. Derek Powells fiance is killed during a robbery on board his yacht, and the CSIs are given reason to believe the defence attorneys chequered past has come back to haunt him. However, just as the team is about to close in on the killer, questions about Delkos citizenship bring the case to an abrupt halt. Sean P Diddy Combs guest stars. 10.00 CSI: NY (R,S). When a passing buzzard drops a human eye into Stellas coffee cup, she and Flack are forced into a race to find the rest of the body before it is devoured by other scavengers. Elsewhere, Mac becomes increasingly involved with Ella McBride, the troubled woman whose mother killed her father. Melina Kanakaredes stars. Followed by Five News Update. 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (R,S). 16/23. Sara finds it impossible to remain emotionally detached from a rape case, while Warrick and Catherine are baffled by a neighbourhood feud that resulted in murder. 12.00 The FBI Files (R,S). The work of the Bureaus crime laboratory. 12.55 SuperCasino. 3.00 uS PGa Golf. 3.45 FIM Motocross. 4.30 Grand american Racing. 5.10 Neighbours (R,S). 5.35 Home and away (R,S).