TELEVISION Filmchoice FILM RATINGS excellent very good good average poor KEY (R)repeat (S)subtitles on text service STEPHEN MARR BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Five London Lite Thursday, 8 October 2009 29 Cliff Richard 10.35pm, When Piers Met Sir Cliff Rhod Gilbert 9.30pm, Never Mind The Buzzcocks Anthony LaPaglia 10pm, Without A Trace Christie Hayes 6pm, Home And Away Equilibrium Film4, 9pm (2002) SOME sci-fi films have silly plots, yet they work; others have believable plots that end up looking silly. This ones got a silly plot that ends up looking silly. In the future, mankind has eliminated war by suppressing emotion, now punishable by death. But what happens if youre a government agent with feelings? Stars Christian Bale and Taye Diggs, above. Nick Of Time ITV2, 11.35pm (1995) JOHNNY DEPP, above, departs from his usual role as an outcast or oddball to play an accountant whose wife has died. While travelling with his daughter he is approached by two police officers who suddenly insist he assassinate the state governor in one hour or they will kill the girl. Depp puts in a solid performance, and Christopher Walken is the perfect bad guy. Virtuosity ITV4, 10pm (1995) A vIRTuAl reality serial killer -- designed to train police officers -- somehow manages to escape into the real world and, of course, must be stopped. A bit of a goofy plot, but one that should be saved by the star power of Denzel Washington, above, and Russell Crowe. Sadly, its not the case. They try their best but have very little to work with. Revolver Five, 10pm (2005) THE best thing about this film is its title... and it goes rapidly downhill from there. Jason Statham, above, plays the same role he always plays -- a smouldering hardman whos not afraid of anybody -- and, as such, is beyond boring: its actually insulting. Add to this mix some dodgy editing and incomprehensible plot twists, and you have a bona fide stinker. Also stars Ray liotta. 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 loose Women (S). With Peter Andre and Phyllida law. 1.30 ITv lunchtime News (S). 1.55 london News And Weather (S). 2.00 60 Minute Makeover (S). A home transformation in Wigan, Greater Manchester. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S). With actor Emilia Fox and music by the Brand New Heavies. 3.59 london Weather (S). 4.00 Midsomer Murders (R,S). Part one. An actors death exposes a centuries-old feud. 5.00 Britains Best Dish (S). The final South West of England and Wales heat. 6.00 London Tonight (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News (S); Weather. 7.00 Emmerdale (S). Adam discovers Aarons drastic plan to sabotage his mothers relationship with Carl. leyla witnesses Nathans softer side, and cracks begin to show in Nikhil and Jais relationship. 7.30 Countrywise (S). 30/36. Paul Heiney visits Herefordshire for the start of the apple harvest and hears how cider-making has developed from its farmhouse roots. 8.00 Emmerdale (S). Adam tries to prevent a disaster when he learns Jimmy and Nicola plan to take Angelica out in Carls car, and Natasha confronts Mark after seeing him with Faye. See Soap Box 8.30 Coronation Street (S). Kevin makes his excuses as he and Molly extend their stay away from Weatherfield, and leanne resigns from the job. See Soap Box 9.00 The Bill (S,HD). When an eight- year-old is abducted from outside his school, Terry is appointed Family liaison Officer and finds himself keeping the peace between the boys divorcing parents. CCTv footage reveals the child got into a car with a man after taking a phone call, and the race is on to discover the identities of the mystery caller and the driver. See Ben Felsenburg 10.00 News At Ten And Weather (S). 10.30 London News And Weather (S). 10.35 When Piers Met Sir Cliff (R,S). To celebrate his 50th year in the music industry, Cliff Richard invites Piers Morgan to his Barbados home, where he talks candidly about his faith and his career regrets. 11.35 Surface (S). 12/15. Rich is on the run with laura, who comes across someone claiming to know the origin of the mysterious creatures, and Miless suspicions are aroused when two of Caitlins friends vanish at the beach. 12.30 British Superbike Championship Highlights. 1.20 Motorsport uK (S). 2.10 The Cosby Mysteries (R,S); ITv News Headlines. 3.00 loose Women (R). With Peter Andre. 3.50 ITv Nightscreen. 5.30 ITv Morning News (S). 11.00 BBC Primary History (S). 11.20 Science Clips Investigations (S). 11.30 Class Clips (S). 11.50 Focus (S). 12.00 Daily Politics Conference Special (S). 1.00 live Snooker: The Grand Prix (S). Todays second-round matches at Kelvin Hall in Glasgow. 1.45 Daily Politics Conference Special (S). David Camerons speech. 3.45 live Snooker: The Grand Prix (S). Further coverage of this afternoons second-round matches on day six at Kelvin Hall in Glasgow, featuring Mark Williams v Stephen Hendry and Peter Ebdon v Mark Davis. 6.00 Eggheads (S). Quiz show, hosted by Jeremy vine. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing -- It Takes Two (S). Claudia Winkleman hosts the daily fanzine devoted to the ballroom dancing show, with footage of rehearsals as the stars prepare for Saturdays show. 7.00 Live Snooker: The Grand Prix (S). Coverage from Kelvin Hall, beginning with the draw for the quarter-finals and followed by Stephen Maguire v Ding Junhui and Robert Milkins v Allister Carter in the second round. The commentary team features Dennis Taylor, Willie Thorne, John virgo and Ken Doherty. 8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals (S). 19/29. Four more contenders are given the task of making scrambled eggs. 8.45 MasterChef: The Professionals (S). 20/29. The winning chefs from this weeks heats take part in the quarter-finals, creating three courses of their own design for critics Charles Campion, Kate Spicer and William Sitwell. 9.30 Never Mind The Buzzcocks (S). 2/13. Rhod Gilbert takes the hot seat to guest host the comedy music quiz, with team captains Noel Fielding and Phill Jupitus joined by We Are Klangs Greg Davies, Spandau Ballets Martin Kemp, sports presenter Gabby logan and musician Jeremy Reynolds. 10.00 Dragons Den Online (S). 4/6. Entrepreneurs Shaf Rasul and Julie Meyer are asked to invest in a number of ventures, including a traffic control wand by Darren Fenton, Henry Claytons Millie Mova device for chairs, and David Warrs interactive teaching tool for English language students. 10.30 Newsnight (S). Followed by Weather. 11.20 Today At Conference (S). Giles Dilnot presents highlights of the Conservative Party conference in Manchester. 11.50 My Life In Verse: Robert Webb (R,S). 2/4. Robert Webb explores The love Song of J Alfred Prufrock by TS Eliot. 12.50 Snooker: The Grand Prix (S). 1.40 Snooker Extra (S). The sixth day of the Grand Prix. 3.40 BBC News (S). 4.00 BBC learning Zone: Schools: Secular Believers. 5.00 RE Clips (S). 11.00 Britains Deadliest Addictions (R,S); 3 Minute Wonder: Behind The Hoodie. 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories (R,S). 12.00 News At Noon (S). 12.30 Glamour Puds (S). 1.00 British Made (R,S). The history of the deck chair. 1.10 Film: The Battle Of The River Plate (S,HD) (1956). Second World War adventure,Second World War adventure,World War adventure, starring Anthony Quayle. 3.25 Countdown (S). Martin lewis guests. 4.10 Deal Or No Deal (S). Another contestant hopes to win big money. 5.00 The Paul OGrady Show (S). With Ozzy Osbourne and Julian Clary. 6.00 The Simpsons (S). 17/21. Bart becomes addicted to junk food. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Newt struggles to control his schizophrenia, and lashes out at Rae. Meanwhile, Frankie continues to search for him, leaving Darren and Jake alone in the flat. 7.00 News (S). 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: 4 New Sensations 2009 (S). 4/4. Short film about the 4 New Sensations Art Prize, run in conjunction with Channel 4 and the Saatchi Gallery. last in the series. 8.00 Location, Location, Location (S). 10/13. Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer help two couples looking for properties in Buckinghamshire. Shane and Annamarie Mugan have a budget of 850,000, but have not found their ideal home after viewing more than 50 properties, while Emma and Andrew Jarvis face tough competition as they search for a house with plenty of character. 9.00 Alex: A Passion For Life (S). Cutting Edge revisits 19-year-old Alex Stobbs, a cystic fibrosis sufferer who is now a choral scholar at Kings College, Cambridge. Determined to experience a near- normal student life, the musician is also preparing to fulfil his lifetime ambition of conducting Bachs St Matthew Passion with a professional orchestra. See Ben Felsenburg 10.00 Without A Trace (S). 7/18. A student goes missing after making provocative and racist comments about African-Americans in a class discussion, and the teams investigation uncovers a secret in the young mans family that could be connected to his disappearance. Anthony laPaglia, Roselyn Snchez, Poppy Montgomery and Marianne Jean-Baptiste star. 11.00 Without A Trace (S). 8/18. An ultimate fighter vanishes, and the team identifies a number of suspects for his abduction. 11.55 4Music: Jamie Cullum: Video Exclusive. The first play of the singers new video for Im All Over It. 12.00 4Music Favourites: Shakira (R,S). The star performs songs from her album She Wolf. 12.35 Teachers (R,S). Brian and Kurt fall out. 1.40 Extreme Male Beauty (R,S). 2.40 Ocean Race (S). 5.15 Countdown (R,S). Martin lewis guests. 10.45 Trisha Goddard (R,S). 11.45 I Own Britains Best Home 2009 (R,S). 12.40 Five News (S). 12.50 Britains Bravest (R,S). 1.45 Neighbours (S). Dan confronts lucas over what he saw on the CCTv footage. 2.15 Home And Away (S). Angelo tries to entrap Hugo. 2.50 I Own Britains Best Home: Flying visits (R,S). Highlights from the property show. 3.05 Film: Miles From Nowhere (S) (1992). Fact-based drama, starring Rick Schroder and Shawn Phelan. 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky (S). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S). 6.00 Home And Away (R,S). Kirstys (Christie Hayes) behaviour leads leah to believe she is having an affair, and Ginas boyfriend arrives. 6.30 Live From Studio Five (S). Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh host the magazine show featuring celebrity interviews. 7.30 Inferno 999 (R,S). Broughton Green Watch tackles a major industrial blaze at a factory in Rochdale, and Moss Side Red Watch races to the scene of a fire at the home of a single mother and her three daughters. Broughton Blue Watch is called to a deserted heathland where two cars have been abandoned and set alight. Followed by Five News Update. 8.00 Megastructures: Built From Disaster (S). How tragic events involving trains have influenced modern engineering, including the 1998 rail crash in Eschede, Germany, and the runaway train at Pariss Gare de lyon in 1988. Designers talk about the safety features that have since been incorporated to tackle wheel failure. See Ben Felsenburg Followed by Five News At 9. 9.00 Vice Squad (S). 2/6. Officers investigate after hearing reports of underage prostitution. Two kerb crawlers fall into the vice squads trap when they approach undercover police, and PC Sollars gives an insight into his work. 10.00 Revolver (S) (2005). A gangster languishes seven years in solitary confinement after being set up by his deranged and dangerous former boss, who also murdered his sister-in-law. On his release he is bent on revenge, and two enigmatic loan sharks step in to help. Thriller, starring Jason Statham, Ray liotta, vincent Pastore and Andr Benjamin. See Film Choice 12.15 SuperCasino. live interactive gaming, featuring roulette, blackjack and autowheel. 4.00 NFl Replay (R). Pittsburgh Steelers v San Diego Chargers. Highlights of the clash between the respective AFC North and AFC West sides at Heinz Field. 4.45 Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of volunteers treating sick, injured and orphaned animals at a wildlife sanctuary. 5.10 Neighbours (R,S). Dan confronts lucas over what he saw on the CCTv footage. 5.35 Home And Away (R,S). 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