London Lite Wednesday, 23 September 2009 23 TELEVISION Filmchoice FILM RATINGS excellent very good good average poor KEY (R)repeat (S)subtitles on text service The Page Turner Film4, 10.50pm (2006) STUDENTS who missed out on the uni they wanted this summer will sympathise with Melanie Prouvost -- Dborah Franois, above right with Catherine Frot -- who failed her music school audition. Fast forward 10 years and shes working for the concert pianist she blames for blowing her chances. Shes also plotting revenge. Suspenseful French psychological thriller. After Hours ITV3, 11pm (1985) GRIFFIN DUNNE, above right, plays a yuppie (ask your mum) whose date with wacky Rosanna Arquette descends into a nightmare when he loses all his money and is stranded in New Yorks meaner streets, at the mercy of gangsters and assorted crazies. Martin Scorsese takes a break from his usual urban grittiness to direct this frenetic black comedy. Bulletproof Monk E4, 9pm (2003) CHEESY martial arts fantasy with Chow Yun-Fat as a Tibetan monk who is in the market for someone to guard a sacred scroll. He chooses pickpocket Seann William Scott (above right with Yun-Fat), who, as luck would have it, happens to be a keen kung fu fan. Cue lots of running up walls and somersaulting backwards on to evil henchmen. Poseidon BBC3, 9pm (2006) WHO can forget Shelley Winters hamster-like face as she swims underwater in 1972s The Poseidon Adventure? Sadly, this remake about the passengers on a capsized cruise ship, starring Kurt Russell, above left with Josh Lucas, is just wet. Its hard to believe director Wolfgang Petersen made another below-the-waves epic, the war film Das Boot, which had far more, er, depth. wENdy SayErS BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Five 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S). 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.55 London News And Weather (S). 2.00 60 Minute Makeover (S). A home transformation in Islington, north London. 3.00 Dickinsons Real Deal (S). 3.59 London Weather (S). 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme (R,S). The duo find an abandoned baby. 5.00 Britains Best Dish (S). Ed Baines, Jilly Goolden and John Burton Race judge more dishes from the North East, including pastry on soup, a seed crust on fish, and dark stout in a chocolate pudding. 6.00 London Tonight (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News (S); Weather. 6.55 Party Political Broadcast (S). By the Liberal Democrats. 7.00 Emmerdale (S). Debbie discovers Michael is engaged to another woman. See Soap Box 7.30 Coronation Street (S). Luke tells Michelle of his plan to dump Rosie (Helen Flanagan), Norris sees Ramsay in a new light after being ordered to open the trunk, and Fiz struggles to persuade Chesney to give John a chance. 8.00 Midsomer Murders (S). Midsomer University science fellow George Jeffers threatens to make public a problem with his state-of- the-art invention Kernel Logic, but American software boss Clinton Finn fears he will lose millions if the truth comes out. When a schoolteacher is killed in a hit-and-run, Barnaby suspects Jeffers was the intended target. Detective drama, guest starring David Haig, with John Nettles and Jason Hughes. See Ben Felsenburg 10.00 News At Ten And Weather (S). 10.30 London News And Weather (S). 10.35 Cops With Cameras (R). 2/3. Police in South Wales carry out three raids as part of an operation to tackle burglary, drugs and car theft. In Lewisham, two officers apprehend a suspect in a street robbery case. 11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations (R,S). The work of fighter pilots and ground troops in Afghanistan, the heroes from a series of conflicts involving British forces. 12.30 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Emergency (R,S); ITV News Headlines. 1.25 Loose Women (R). 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences. 3.05 Your Money -- Your Life: Tonight (R). 3.30 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Morning News (S). 11.00 The Flintstones (R,S). 11.25 The Flintstones (R,S). 11.50 Lifeline (R,S). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 See Hear (S). 1.30 Working Lunch (S). 2.00 Daily Politics Conference Special (S). 3.30 Coast (S). The shoreline of the United Kingdom. 3.45 Flog It! (R,S). From Chesterfield. 4.30 Pointless (S). Quiz show, hosted by Alexander Armstrong. 5.15 The Hairy Bikers Food Tour Of Britain (S). Si King and Dave Myers cook a traditional favourite in Chepstow. 5.55 Party Political Broadcast (S). By the Liberal Democrats. 6.00 Eggheads (S). Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing -- It Takes Two (S). Claudia Winkleman assesses how the celebrity contestants are shaping up for Friday and Saturdays live shows. 7.00 Victorian Farm (R,S). 2/6. Documentary series following historian Ruth Goodman and archaeologists Alex Langlands and Peter Ginn as they sample the life of a Victorian farmer for a year. The preparations for winter begin in earnest, and they get to work stocking up on animal feed, building pigsties and tackling the gruelling process of the laundry. 8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals (S). 8/29. In front of the watching judges, four chefs have to demonstrate their culinary expertise with a skills test of shucking three oysters and a palate test of making an omelette. 8.45 MasterChef: The Professionals (S). 9/29. Another four chefs are asked to fillet a fish and pan fry one of the fillets. 9.30 Dragons Den Online (S). 2/6. Dom Byrne presents as online Dragons Shaf Rasul and Julie Meyer are asked to invest in a number of ventures, including John Borgs safety-conscious wet umbrella machine and Malcolm Webbs ankle wraps. Other ideas include boxer balls, an antibacterial solution, a sauna unit and a tributes business. 10.00 Shooting Stars (S,HD). 5/6. Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer present the comedy quiz, accompanied by team captains Jack Dee and Ulrika Jonsson, and guests Lenny Henry, Laurence Llewelyn- Bowen and Mutya Buena. 10.30 Newsnight (S). Followed by Weather. 11.20 Today At Conference (S). Highlights from the Liberal Democrat party conference in Bournemouth. 11.50 Dragons Den: On Tour (R,S). 3/5. The business experts head north on the third leg of their tour. Peter Jones visits Eddie Middleton, an entrepreneur behind a range of eco-friendly patio heaters, who turned down an offer of investment. 12.50 BBC News (S). 3.05 Close. 11.00 Day I Got The Sack (R,S); Before And After. 11.30 Teen Taboos (R,S); Before And After. 12.00 News At Noon (S). 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: On The Ward (R,S). 12.35 Its Me Or The Dog. 1.10 Film: Gentlemans Agreement (S) (1947). Drama, starring Gregory Peck. Dorothy McGuire and John Garfield. 3.25 Countdown (S). With Colin Murray. 4.10 Deal Or No Deal (S). Game show, hosted by Noel Edmonds. 5.00 The Paul OGrady Show (S). The comedian is joined by Joe Calzaghe and the recently re-formed Nolans. 6.00 The Simpsons (S). 6/21. Mr Burns denies his employees any further free medication. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Ged kidnaps Archie and threatens to kill him unless his money is returned, and Cindy encourages Tony to spend less on their wedding. 7.00 News (S). 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Nails (S). The story of an immigrant nail artist who remains connected to her country through her work. 8.00 Location, Location, Location (S). 8/13. Phil Spencer and Kirstie Allsopp help a family with a budget of 400,000 search for a property in Derbyshire. Meanwhile, a creative couple whose respective businesses are expanding look for a studio where they can continue their work. 9.00 The Secret Millionaire (S). 2/6. Landlord Kevin Green swaps his spacious country home for a rented bedsit in Barnstaple, North Devon, where he searches for people and causes that will benefit from his help. See Ben Felsenburg 10.00 Ugly Betty (S,HD). 13/24. Daniel tries to cover his tracks as Connor hunts for the mystery man who stole Mollys heart. Betty contemplates a way of helping her family and finances, but finds herself distracted by attractive neighbour Jesse, who suddenly seems to have a renewed interest in her. With Val Emmich. 11.00 Dawn Porter: Mail Order Bride (R,S,HD). 2/4. 12.00 4Music: Florence And The Machine: Live At Rivoli Ballroom (R,S,HD). Tracks from the singers debut album. 12.35 4Music: 4Play: Taken By Trees (S). 12.50 This Weeks 4Music Top 20. 2.45 1300cc (R). 3.00 Reaper (R,S,HD). 3.40 Journey Through The Night (R). 3.50 Salvage Squad (R,S). 4.45 Water Stories (R). 4.50 Countdown (R,S). 5.35 Sali Mali (S). 5.40 The Hoobs (R,S). 10.45 Trisha Goddard (R,S). 11.45 How To Build A New Life In The Country (R,S). 12.40 Five News (S). 12.50 Weird Creatures With Nick Baker (R,S). 1.45 Neighbours (S). Declan struggles to face India. 2.15 Home And Away (S). 2.50 I Own Britains Best Home: Flying Visits (R,S). Highlights from the property show. 3.10 Film: Diamond Girl (S) (1998). A lawyer is caught in a love triangle when his brother pairs him off with his doting assistant. Drama, starring Kevin Otto. 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky (S). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S). 6.00 Home And Away (R,S). Ruby is delighted to find out that Charlies baby was adopted, until she discovers a shocking secret. Aden refuses all offers of help as he tries to cope with his grief. 6.30 Live From Studio Five (S). Topical reports. 7.30 Building The Ultimate (R,S). The history of the fighter jet, examining how aerodynamics and engine design have evolved from the German Messerschmitts of the Second World War to the technologically sophisticated aircraft in service today. Followed by Five News Update. 8.00 World War One In Colour (R,S). Innovations in maritime warfare, including the development of dreadnought battleships and the increasing use of submarines. U- boats were deployed to devastating effect by the Germans, but may also have contributed to the countrys eventual defeat by bringing America into the war on the side of the Allies. Followed by Five News At 9. 9.00 Farmer Wants A Wife (S). 2/6. Mild-mannered 24-year-old Willie invites potential partners to experience life on his farm in Co Down, Northern Ireland, for five days. From a shortlist of four he selects two candidates -- bubbly blonde Sarah Jane and horse trainer Gabbie, who get to grips with tractor driving and join in a family party. With Louise Redknapp. 10.00 National Security (S) (2003). Two feuding would-be policemen find themselves partnered as security guards -- and have to put aside their differences after uncovering a big-time smuggling operation that leaves them on the run from both sides of the law. Comedy, starring Martin Lawrence, Steve Zahn and Colm Feore. Including Five News Update. 11.45 The Sexy Ads Show (S). 2/6. Spencer Brown demonstrates how pogo sticks and bras helped to sell insurance, and showcases an erotic film made especially for trees. 12.15 Poker (S). The Womens World Open III. 1.45 NHRA Drag Racing. The Carolina Nationals. 3.20 Motorsport Mundial. High-speed coverage. 3.45 Boxing Classic (R). A bout from the archives. 4.00 Boxing USA (R). Hard- hitting action. 5.10 Neighbours (R,S). 5.35 Home And Away (R,S). history.co.uk index.html2.html3.html4.html5.html6.html7.html8.html9.html10.html11.html12.html13.html14.html15.html16.html17.html18.html19.html20.html21.html22.html23.html24.html25.html26.html27.html28.html29.html30.html31.html32.html33.html34.html35.html36.html37.html38.html39.html40.html41.html42.html43.html44.html45.html46.html47.html