Ramganathan, Phil Zimmerman, David Kelly, Bobby Carroll, Mark Stillman, David Bailey, Bernard Doogan and Chuck Parker. 8pm, 4 GREENWICH THEATRE Crooms Hill, SE10 (020 8858 7755). Rail: Greenwich Greenwich Comedy Festival: John Cooper Clarke. The original punk and bard of Salford in a rare London appearance. 7.30pm, 15, concs 13 Greenwich Comedy Festival: Mark Thomas: Its The Economy Stupid. The comedian and political activist explores reasons for the current state of the economy. Featuring interviews with journalists. 9.15pm, 15, concs 10 LEICESTER Sq THEATRE Leicester Place, WC2 (0844 847 2475). Tube: Leicester Sq, Embankment Next Door But One. An improvised, cliche-riddled comedy soap opera. 7pm, 10 OLD ROYAL NAVAL COLLEGE King William Walk, SE10 (020 8269 4791). Rail: Maze Hill Greenwich Comedy Festival: Big Night Out: Very Special Headline Act. Starring Kevin Eldon, Phil Nichol and Dan Atkinson. 7pm, 18.50 SOHO THEATRE Dean St, W1 (020 7478 0100). Tube: Tottenham Court Rd Mikelangelo And The Black Sea Gentlemen: Dead Men Tell A Thousand Tales. A fusion of songs, storytelling and tableaux vivant, delving into the world of taxidermy, sodomy, death and decomposition. 10pm, 10-17.50 STORM Leicester Sq, WC2 (07760 488119). Tube: Leicester Sq 99 Club Leicester Sq. With Phil Kay, Mike Wozniak, Carl Donnelly and MC Jim Woroniecki. 8.30pm, 16, two for one TIGER TIGER Haymarket, SW1 (020 7930 1885). Tube: Piccadilly Circus Big Night Out In Leicester Sq. With Geoff Norcott, Sean Meo, Mike Gunn and Mike Belgrave. 7.45pm, 8-15 VAUDEVILLE THEATRE Strand, WC2 (0870 890 0511). Train: Charing Cross Ed Byrne: Different Class. The acclaimed Irish comic and TV regular ponders his misfortunes. 8pm, 15-40 THE WATER POET Folgate St, E1 (020 7426 0495). Train: Liverpool St East Meets Jest. With Matt Green. Full line-up to be announced. 8pm, 10 Lawless, Skint Bint, Anthea Neagle, David Wain-Heapy, Joanne Ogden, Doug Davan and more. 8.45pm, 6.50, concs 5 COMEDY CAFE Rivington St, EC2 (020 7739 5706). Train: Old St Best In Stand Up. Featuring Drew Barr, Julian Deane, Stan Stanley and Mark Maier. 9pm, 8 COMEDY STORE Oxendon St, SW1 (020 7930 2967). Tube: Piccadilly Circus The Best In Stand Up. MC Paul Thorne introduces Paul Tonkinson, Milton Jones, Pierre Hollins and Charlie Baker. 8pm, 16 THE DISTILLERS ARMS Fulham Palace Rd, W6 (020 8748 2834). Tube: Hammersmith/ Barons Court Fabulous Comedy Club. Stand-up comedy session. 7.30pm, free DOWNSTAIRS AT THE KINGS HEAD Crouch End Hill, N8 (020 8340 1028). Train: Finsbury Park Legendary Comedy Try Out Night. Stand-up from emerging comics Hootie, Chris Hogg, Mark Restuccia, Amy Button, Ian Rigby, Ramesh Arches, Miles St SW8 (0844 736 5375). Train: Vauxhall. 8pm-midnight, 10, w/own skates 7.50, NUS 5 RUMBA THURSDAY AT BAR RUMBA Hip hop, soul, rare groove, funk and dancehall. Shaftesbury Ave W1 (020 7287 2715). Tube: Piccadilly Circus. 9pm- 3.30am, 10, adv 5 SALSA W/ GERALDO & MAGDALEINA AT FIESTA HAVANA Salsa, plus dance classes. Fulham Rd SW6 (020 7381 5005). Tube: Fulham Broadway. 5pm-2am, 4, free before 10pm SHOEGAZING AT BELUSHIS BAR DJs spin indie, rock and Britpop. Borough High St SE1 (020 7939 9700). Tube: Borough. 9pm-2am, 3, free before 10pm SMASH AND GRAB KATE BUSH TRIBUTE NIGHT AT PROUD The Stables Market, Chalk Farm Rd NW1 (020 7482 3867). Tube: Camden Town. 7.30pm-2.30am, 8, 5 before 10pm TEENAGE KICKS AT THE ROXY Indie and rock tracks. Rathbone Place W1 (020 7255 1098). Tube: Tottenham Court Rd. 10pm-3am, 5, w/flyer 4 THIRSTY THURSDAYS AT BAR SOHO Resident DJs spin funky house, chart and party classics. Old Compton St W1 (020 7439 0439). Tube: Leicester Sq. 7pm-late, phone for prices THE THROWDOWN AT PLAN B Hip hop, plus guest DJs, live breakdancing and graffiti. Brixton Rd SW9 (0870 116 5421). Train: Brixton. V:ROOM AT STRONGROOM 960s and 1970s soul, funk, garage, psych and rock. Curtain Rd EC2 (020 7426 5103). Train: Old St. 8pm-late, phone for prices YOYO AT NOTTING HILL ARTS CLUB Retro boogie and soul, hip hop, R&B, ragga and drumnbass.. Notting Hill Gate W11 (020 7460 4459). Tube: Notting Hill Gate. 7pm- 2am, 7, 5 before 11pm COMEDY CANAL CAFE THEATRE Delamere Terrace, W2 (020 7289 6054). Tube: Warwick Ave Newsrevue. Topical sketches and songs. 9.30pm, 9.50, concs 7.50 CARAMEL BAR Kentish Town Rd, NW5 (07932 338203). Monkey Business. With Magnus Betner, Louise Scodie, Morag McInnes, Inel Tomlinson, Kieran West Central St WC1 (020 7240 1083). Tube: Holborn. 11pm-4am, 6 BOSSACUCANOVA AT GUANABARA Electro and bossa nova. Parker St WC2 (020 7242 8600). Tube: Holborn. 9pm-late, 5 CANDYBOX AT MOONLIGHTING Indie, electro and retro. Greek St W1 (020 7734 6308). Tube: Tottenham Court Rd. 10pm-3.30am, w/flyer 5, 3 before 11pm CHILL OUT TUNES AT THE BEDROOM BAR Residents spin chill out anthems. Rivington St EC2 (020 7739 5706). Train: Old St. 7pm-late, phone for prices CLUBBING THURSDAYS AT APT Dance classics and floor fillers. Queen St EC4 (020 7618 9020). Tube: Mansion House. 7pm-3am, 5, guest list 3, free before 10pm CLUB MEMEME AT THE GHETTO Electro, indie, disco and pop. Old St EC1 (020 7287 3726). Train: Barbican. phone for details HOMY BOOGIE AT THE RUSSIAN BAR Jonny Rock and Johnny Hiller spin disco. Kingsland Rd E2 (07916 119541). Train: Old St. phone for details KIT KAT KABARET AT CELLAR DOOR Kitty La Roar and Nick Of Time mash-up everything from Big Spender to Smells Like Teen Spirit. Aldwych WC2 (020 7240 8848). Train: Charing Cross, Temple. phone for details LADIES NIGHT FOXXY AT YATESS Hip hop, R&B, indie, rock and funk. Leicester Sq WC2 (020 7839 7967). Tube: Leicester Sq. phone for details LATIN KRAZY AT SALSA! Salsa, merengue, bachata and reggaeton. Charing Cross Rd WC2 (020 7379 3277). Tube: Tottenham Court Rd. 5.30pm-2am, 4, free before 9pm MADE IN LONDON VS CATZMUZIK AT EAST VILLAGE House, techno, minimalist and electro, plus disco and deep house. Great Eastern St EC2 (020 7739 5173). Train: Old St. 7pm-2.30am, 5, w/flyer 3 REWIND AT LVPO Resident DJs provide club anthems. Dean St W1 (020 7434 3399). Tube: Leicester Sq. 9pm-3am, 8 ROLLER DISCO AT RENAISSANCE ROOMS Funk and disco for skaters. BOOGIE-OOGIE-OOGIE AT THE YARD Disco, soul and funk. Tabernacle St EC2 (020 7336 7758). Tube & Rail: Old St. 7pm-11.30pm, phone for prices BORDELLO AT THE DEN & CENTRO Pop and dance. 28 Thursday, 10 September 2009 London Lite LISTINGSIN&OUTTONIGHT LISTINGS HOLIC AT THE DEN & CENTRO House, electro and minimal techno. West Central St WC1 (020 7240 1083). Tube: Holborn. 9pm-3am, 5 HOUSE SESSIONS AT INC BAR Recent and retro house hits. College Approach SE10 (020 8858 6721). DLR: Cutty Sark. 9pm-2am, free before 10pm MYSTIC DISCO AT ON ANON House, chart anthems, dirty electro, dance and R&B over two floors. London Pavillion, Piccadilly W1 (020 7287 8008). Tube: Piccadilly Circus. 9pm-3am, phone for prices THURSDAY SESSIONS AT 54 House, techno and electro. Commercial St E1 (020 7377 0666). Tube: Aldgate East. 10pm-late, 3 THURSDAY@FREEDOM BAR House, trance and classic club hits. Wardour St W1 (020 7437 3490). Tube:PiccadillyCircus.phonefordetails UNIqUE PARTIES AT EMBASSY Chilled-out classics. Old Burlington St W1 (020 7851 0956). Tube: Piccadilly Circus. phone for times, 20 Others BEARTRONIC AT THE ENCLAVE i980s and 1990s electro. Brewer St W1 (020 7434 2911). Tube: Piccadilly Circus. phone for details BEATS BEAT BULLETS AT VIBE BAR Electro-acoustic, emo, electronica. Brick Lane E1 (020 7247 3479). Tube: Aldgate East. 8pm-11.30pm, 5 The MysTeriesTomorrow, Garrick Theatre at 7.30pm win tickets WE HAVE five pairs of tickets to give away to see The Mysteries, right, on its first night at the Garrick tomorrow. This is the latest production from the Olivier Award- winning, South African company Isango Portobello, which brought The Magic Flute to London in 2008. For more information go to themysteries.com To enter text LL WIN followed by a space and then your first name and email address to 65400 before 9am tomorrow. Texts cost 50p plus standard network charges. Entrants must be over 18. Terms and conditions apply, see thisislondon.co.uk/lite txt 65400 QuickfireHughesgetsIggywithit Scattershot comedy: Sean Hughes COMeDy sean hughes GreenwichTheatre HHHHI bruCe Dessau Sean HugHeS is only 43 years old, but lifes slings and arrows have taken their toll. The one-time impish Irishman admits he wakes too early, naps unexpectedly and sighs when he does not mean to. add the fact that when he gave up smoking he got a fat face and he has every right to be a curmudgeon. Luckily he is a very funny curmudgeon too. Last time Hughes toured he incurred audience wrath for joking about Madeleine McCann. now theres a new tranche of tamer taboos, from Michael Jackson to Iggy Pop, who stamped on Hughes rebellious ideals by doing insurance ads. His most daring and surprisingly well-received tirade attacked Stephen Fry, who, he suggests, also ditched his integrity by taking the advertising shilling la Iggy. These are just a few of the targets in a wide-ranging whinge, with Hughes constantly coming up with quickfire back references and returning to seemingly-deserted topics, suggesting strong craft beneath the scattershot appearance. This is an intelligent piece that skilfully weaves audience banter and self- deprecation into general comedic observations. Towards the end there is even a routine about his strict Catholic upbringing, which sheds light on Hughess skewed vision. not laugh-a-second, but the gags are worth the wait.