TELEVISION Filmchoice FILM RATINGS excellent very good good average poor KEY (R)repeat (S)subtitles on text service STEPHEN MARR BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Five This Is Spinal Tap ITV4, 10.30pm (1983) Long hair, tight jeans, sexist album covers, little bread, guitars with infinite sustain, managers wielding cricket bats, meddling girlfriends, a string of dead drummers, malfunctioning cocoons, amplifiers that go to 11 -- and a Stonehenge in danger of being crushed by a dwarf. This film has everything... and Christopher guest, above. Pure rock! Pulp Fiction BBC1, 11.40pm (1994) A DoPED-UP hitman is kneeling on the floor of a drug dealers house. He holds a large hypodermic needle and is about to plunge it through the ribcage of his bosss wife (played by Uma Thurman, above). For all the hit-and-miss talk about Quentin Tarantinos writing, he is responsible for one of the most nerve-shredding moments in cinematic history. Required viewing. Ghost Film4, 9pm (1990) I WonDER how many women took up pottery after this film? Sitting there, fashioning a vase into the early hours, in the fervent hope that a semi-naked spectre in the form of Patrick Swayze would cosy up behind them. This full-on tearjerker shows that true love knows no bounds, not even the final frontier. Also stars Demi Moore, above with Swayze. The Last Samurai ITV2, 9pm (2003) FoR a change, Tom Cruise, above, is believable in this thoughtful blockbuster. nathan Algren is an American soldier who is hired to suppress Samurai culture in 19th century Japan. But, after his capture in battle, he begins to embrace the ancient rituals and beliefs, and ends up switching sides in the final battle of past versus future. An engaging and atypical Hollywood epic. 10.30 This Morning (S). With guests Julia McKenzie and Caroline Quentin. 12.30 Loose Women (S). With Joan Collins. 1.30 ITV Lunchtime news (S). 1.55 London news And Weather (S). 2.00 House gift (S). The experts choose gifts for a Kennington home. Last in the series. 3.00 Dickinsons Real Deal (S). David Dickinson helps people in Winchester sort the treasures from their trash. 3.59 London Weather (S). 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme (R,S). A handyman is murdered at an English language school. 5.00 golden Balls (S). 6.00 London Tonight (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News (S); Weather. 7.00 Emmerdale (S). Faye grows suspicious of Ryan and Cains deal and puts an end to Ryans job at the garage. Meanwhile, Debbie is shocked by Michaels confession. 7.30 Coronation Street (S). Becky decides to flee after overhearing Liz and Deirdre discussing the effects of her going to prison. Emily is upset to learn Ramsays cremation will take place in Australia. See Soap Box 8.00 From Bin To Banquet: Tonight (S). new series. Antony Worrall Thompson prepares food taken from the refuse bins of supermarkets as Jonathan Maitland investigates Britains growing problem of waste. 8.30 Coronation Street (S). The Websters dinner party descends into acrimony and Molly snaps as a result of Claires snipes at Ashley and Sallys jokes. See Soap Box 9.00 Rebus (S). Ken Stott takes on the role of Ian Rankins Edinburgh detective. Rebus tries to discover the significance of an intriguing clue left at the scene of an eminent doctors murder -- a tiny coffin containing an effigy of a baby. A subsequent killing suggests parallels with an unsolved case, and the investigation gradually focuses on one of the citys wealthiest families. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather (S). 10.30 London News And Weather (S). 10.35 Intolerable Cruelty (S,HD) (2003). A gold-digger seeks revenge on the lawyer who stopped her making a mint out of her husband. Comedy, starring george Clooney, Catherine Zeta-Jones, geoffrey Rush and Edward Herrmann. 12.25 nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime (R,S). Documentary following police officers in their never-ending fight against crime; ITV news Headlines. 1.20 Film: How High (S) (2001). Two no- hopers find their new stash of narcotics boosts their brainpower, winning them places at Harvard University. Comedy, with Method Man. 2.55 ITV nightscreen. Text-based information about forthcoming ITV programmes, features and special events, plus news from the world of entertainment. 5.30 ITV Morning news (S). Catherine Zeta-Jones 10.35pm, Intolerable Cruelty 11.00 Film: His girl Friday (S) (1940). Comedy, with Cary grant and Rosalind Russell. 12.30 Working Lunch (S). 1.00 open gardens (R,S). 1.30 Animal Park (R,S). 2.15 House Swap (S). Switching homes in South Brent near Plymouth. 3.00 Monk (R,S). Disher witnesses a murder. 3.45 Flog It! (S). Philip Serrell and David Fletcher view antiques in Torquay. 4.30 Pointless (S). Quiz show, hosted by Alexander Armstrong. 5.15 The Hairy Bikers Food Tour of Britain (S). The duo cook a once- lost recipe in Henley, oxfordshire. 6.00 Eggheads (R,S). Quiz show. 6.30 Trust Me, Im A Dealer (S). Paul Martin helps Marie Claire raise enough cash to fund a trip to visit her father on the other side of the world. He invests her savings in antiques, hoping to reunite the pair after a separation of 30 years. 7.00 The Great British Parakeet Invasion (R,S). Documentary focusing on the unusually high numbers of wild parakeets in south-east England, a phenomenon that has confounded scientists. 7.10 Ganges (R,S). 1/3. The story of the river, revealing its enormous influence on the people living on its banks, as well as on Indias culture, religion and wildlife. 8.00 Mastermind (S). 2/31. John Humphrys asks questions on Apple Records, the Life of Maximilien Robespierre, the Fiction of Paul Auster and World Heavyweight Boxing Champions 1882-1929. 8.30 Gardeners World (S,HD). 16/23. DJ Sara Cox discusses her first year growing vegetables, and Toby Buckland examines greenacres tropical border. 9.00 The Tudors (S,HD). 5/8. Henry (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) enters a state of mourning after the queen dies in childbirth. With the king incapacitated, Thomas Cromwell tries to maintain control of the nation, but enemies of the crown use the monarchs absence to murder several of his followers. 9.50 Coast (S). The wartime requisition of 3,000 homes. 10.00 QI (R,S). 4/12. British Comedy Award-winner Sean Lock, 8 out of 10 Cats presenter Jimmy Carr and The now Shows Marcus Brigstocke join regular panellist Alan Davies to discuss fakes and frauds. The questions are so difficult that points are awarded for the answers host Stephen Fry finds most interesting. 10.30 Newsnight (S). Analysis of the days events, with Kirsty Wark. 11.00 Newsnight Review (S). Followed by Weather. 11.35 Reading And Leeds Festival (S). Edith Bowman and Reggie Yates present highlights of the 2009 event, with sets by Kings of Leon, Arctic Monkeys, Radiohead, Florence And The Machine and Little Boots. 1.05 The Wire (R,S). Mcnulty leaks further details about the serial killer to the Press. 2.05 The Wire (R,S). Marlo assumes control of the co-op. 3.00 The Wire (R,S). 4.00 Close. Jonathan Rhys Meyers 9pm, The Tudors 10.35 Beauty And The geek (S). 11.30 Friends (R,S). 12.00 news At noon (S). 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: Bag Ladies (R,S). 12.35 10 Years Younger: The Challenge (R,S). 1.35 Film: Captain Ron (S,HD) (1992). Comedy, starring Kurt Russell, Martin Short and Mary Kay Place. 3.25 Countdown (S). With Paul Zenon. 4.10 Deal or no Deal (S). game show, with noel Edmonds. 5.00 Wogans Perfect Recall (R,S). Memory and general knowledge competition. 5.30 Come Dine With Me (S). A would-be professional chef hosts the final meal. 6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 22/23. Lisa inspires the local intelligentsia to take over Springfield. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). The Roys gather at Ravis bedside as Ash struggles with his guilt, while newt grows unhappy with the attention Theresa is getting. 7.00 News (S). 7.30 3 Minute Wonder: Over Exposed (S). 4/4. 7.35 The Yorkshire Clamper (S). Ted Evans, whose strict enforcement of parking regulations in the village of Haworth, West Yorkshire, has brought him notoriety among locals, tourists and politicians, tries to defend himself from his critics. See Ben Felsenburg 8.00 The Boy Who Was Born A Girl (S). Documentary about a girl named natasha, who for 10 years until she was 15, knew she was the wrong gender. See Ben Felsenburg 8.30 Big Brother Live Final (S). Davina McCall presides over the grand finale of the 10th series of Big Brother, as Charlie, David, Rodrigo, Siavash and Sophie are whittled down to just one winner. 9.30 The Kevin Bishop Show (S,HD). 6/6. Fast-paced sketch show in which comedian Kevin Bishop spoofs the worlds of TV, film and popular culture, and impersonates celebrities. Last in the series. 10.00 Big Brother Live Final (S). Davina McCall announces the name of the 10th winner of Big Brother as the crowds gather to celebrate the end of 93 days of coverage from inside the compound. Last in the series. Big Brothers Big Mouth follows on E4. 11.15 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 1/6. 11.40 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 2/6. 12.15 4Music Favourites: Jamie T (S). The singer-songwriter is interviewed and performs. 12.45 4Music: 4Play: Zero 7 (S). 1.00 4Music: 4Play: The Cribs (S). 1.15 Big Brothers Big Mouth. 2.00 UR So V4In (R,S). 2.25 Film: The Eve of St Mark (S,HD) (1944). Second World War romantic drama, starring William Eythe. 4.05 British Triathlon grand Prix (R,S). 4.35 FIVB Beach Volleyball (S). 5.25 Countdown (R,S). Davina McCall 8.30pm, Big Brother Live Final 10.45 Trisha goddard (R,S). 11.45 Michaelas Animal Road Trip (S). 12.40 Five news (S). 12.50 Lemur Island (R,S). 1.40 Zoo Days Shorts (R,S). 1.45 neighbours (S). 2.15 Home And Away (S). Rachel receives traumatic news at the hospital. 2.50 I own Britains Best Home: Flying Visits (R,S). Highlights from the property show. 3.05 Zoo Days Shorts (R,S). Brief highlights from the series. 3.10 Film: Before You Say I Do (S) (2009). Premiere. Comedy, starring David Sutcliffe. 5.00 Five news (S). 5.30 neighbours (R,S). 6.00 Home And Away (R,S). Rachel makes it to hospital, but receives traumatic news, while Belle is forced to reveal the truth about her illness. 6.30 Extraordinary Animals (R,S). 2/10. The story of nellie, a highly intelligent pig from America who has become a worldwide celebrity. 7.00 Five News At 7 (S). 7.30 Top Trumps: Earthmovers (R,S). Robert Llewellyn and Ashley Hames use the format of classic card game Top Trumps to compare two vehicles designed to excavate and transport large quantities of soil. The contenders are the Cat D- 11, a 104-ton bulldozer, and the Liebherr T282. Last in the series. Followed by Five News Update. 8.00 Brighton Beach Patrol (S). new series. The work of police, lifeguards and coastguards who are responsible for the safety of the public during the busy summer season at the popular holiday resort. In the first instalment, a competitor goes missing while taking part in a paddle-boat race and police try to keep night-time revellers under control. Followed by Five News At 9. 9.00 NCIS (R,S). 16/24. A nuclear power plant inspector suffers radiation poisoning, forcing the team to consider the possibility that a foreign power deliberately targeted him. As the others investigate, Ziva spends time with the ailing victim -- and begins to realise she is developing feelings for him. Drama, starring Cote De Pablo and Matthew Marsden. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent (S). 16/22. Logan pledges to discover who administered a lethal dose of radioactive polonium to a dying friend, but later learns that Ross is being pressured to drop the case. Suspecting that Israeli interests are trying to curtail his investigation, he vows to continue -- but a second fatality complicates matters. See Ben Felsenburg 11.00 CSI: Miami (R,S). 10/25. A student is shot dead in a motel, and Horatio is surprised to learn that its residents include Delko -- whose past comes under investigation as the team tries to find the killer. 12.00 Cricket on Five. England v Australia. 12.55 Quiz Call. Interactive game show. 4.00 The FBI Files (R,S). Behind the scenes at the Bureaus crime laboratory. 4.45 HouseBusters (R,S). 5.10 neighbours (R,S). 5.35 Home And Away (R,S). Rachel receives bad news. Cote De Pablo 9pm, NCIS London Lite Friday, 4 September 2009 23 index.html2.html3.html4.html5.html6.html7.html8.html9.html10.html11.html12.html13.html14.html15.html16.html17.html18.html19.html20.html21.html22.html23.html24.html25.html26.html27.html28.html29.html30.html31.html32.html33.html34.html35.html36.html37.html38.html39.html