TELEVISION Filmchoice FILM RATINGS excellent very good good average poor KEY (R)repeat (S)subtitles on text service STEPHEN MARR BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Five London Lite Tuesday, 18 August 2009 21 French Connection II Five USA, 9pm (1975) WHEN put up against the 1971 original, this sequel looks pretty limp. But that has more to do with the first one being so good, than this one being bad. Popeye Doyle (Gene Hackman, above) travels to Marseilles in search of Frog One -- the French drug dealer who managed to elude him in New York. Its the best of a bad bunch tonight. Masquerade BBC1, 11.15pm (1988) ROB LOWE, above, stars in this romantic thriller as a dashing young man who marries a rich heiress. Is it true love, or does he simply want to murder her and take off with her fortune (because they are the only options when it comes to marrying rich women, right?) Still, its one of the few films tonight that isnt a sequel, remake or regular repeat. The Dukes Of Hazzard ITV2, 9pm (2005) THE original Seventies TV series was pretty pointless, featuring two hick-town guys racing around in a car while being chased half-heartedly by crooked and stupid cops. This movie version has all the same elements -- especially the pointless bit. Mindless, but entertainment nonetheless. Worth watching for Burt Reynolds, above, as Boss Hogg. The Hills Have Eyes Film4, 11.05pm (2006) ONE of the basic rules of making a successful horror film is that scary things have to happen. And, for something to be scary, it has to be unexpected. So a remake of a horror film is always going to be lame -- because you already know whats going to happen. While its not shot-for-shot, this version is not different enough from the original. Stars Emilie De Ravin, above. 10.30 No Place Like Home? (S). 11.25 ITV News Headlines (S). 11.30 60 Minute Makeover (R,S). The team spruces up a house in Benfleet, Essex. 12.30 For The Rest Of Your Life (S). 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.55 London News And Weather (S). 2.00 Good Bid Good Buy (S). A Twenties bungalow goes under the hammer. 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge (S). Television presenter Mark Durden- Smith judges todays dishes. 3.59 London Weather (S). 4.00 Heartbeat (R,S). A sniper causes chaos. 5.00 Golden Balls (S). With Jasper Carrott. 6.00 London Tonight (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News (S); Weather. 7.00 Emmerdale (S). Val is stunned when Pollard tells her he wants a divorce, Moira apologises to Andy and Jamie is jealous when Gennie receives a letter from her boyfriend. 7.30 Grimefighters (S,HD). 5/24. The police try to haul a stolen BMW out of the Thames and an enforcement officer in Wolverhampton is on a mission to locate a dumped skip. 8.00 Car Crime UK (S). 5/6. Trevor McDonald follows police as they track down serial car criminals. The team in Stockport carries out a morning raid on the flat of a prolific car thief after linking him to DNA left at the scene of the crime. In London, police intercept teams are using number plate recognition technology to target drivers taking to the road without insurance. 9.00 The Duchess On The Estate (S). 1/2. In a follow-up to last years visit to a family in Hull, Sarah Ferguson spends a week on the Wythenshawe council estate in Manchester to experience the areas problems first-hand, including drugs, crime and a lack of community spirit. Narrated by Max Beesley. See Ben Felsenburg 10.00 News At Ten And Weather (S). 10.30 London News And Weather (S). 10.35 Police, Camera, Action! (R,S). Alastair Stewart witnesses a criminal being subdued by a camera stun gun as he takes a look at the latest technology used by the police, and Adrian Simpson experiences a device for roadside fingerprinting. 11.05 Supernatural (S). 20/22. Dean enters an alternative reality. 12.00 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations (R,S). The work of fighter pilots and ground troops in Afghanistan. 12.50 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Mystery (R,S). Reopening the files on Britains most notorious crimes. 1.40 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Mystery (R,S); ITV News Headlines. 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences. 3.30 ITV Nightscreen. Guide to ITV. 5.30 ITV Morning News (S). 9.00 Live World Championship Athletics (S,HD). Coverage of day four. 11.45 Castle In The Country (R,S). 12.15 Open Gardens (R,S). 12.45 Film: Beyond The Reef (S) (1981). Adventure, starring Dayton Kane. 2.15 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting (R,S). From the Italian town of Carpi. 3.00 Monk (R,S). 3.45 Flog It! (R,S). From St Austell, Cornwall. 4.45 Live World Championship Athletics (S,HD). Hazel Irvine presents further coverage of day four at the Olympic Stadium in Berlin, where medals are decided in five more events. 6.00 Live World Championship Athletics continues. 8.00 Coast (S,HD). 6/8. The team explores the cluster of islands located in the north Atlantic, with Neil Oliver meeting a man who lived for a month on Rockall, a tiny outcrop of volcanic rock 230 miles west of the Outer Hebrides. Kate Rew searches for the snot-flower worm, and Alice Roberts explores the remnants of the chemical- making industry on the Isle of Skye. 9.00 Desperate Romantics (S,HD). 5/6. Rossetti revels in his new-found wealth after becoming Ruskins latest protg. However, the charismatic artist provokes the temper of his patron when his hedonistic lifestyle leaves him unable to fulfil commissions. Meanwhile, Lizzie worries her status as Rossettis muse is being undermined. See Ben Felsenburg 10.00 Wainwright Walks: Coast To Coast (S). 5/6. Julia Bradbury starts the longest section of her journey in the historic town of Richmond, which was singled out by Alfred Wainwright as one of his highlights. From there, miles of flat walking between the Dales and her last National Park await. 10.30 Newsnight (S). With Kirsty Wark. Followed by Weather. 11.20 The Wire (S). 13/13. Proposition Joe is forced to reveal his supplier to reassure Marlo after the theft of the drug shipment -- which Omar sells back to the co-op. McNulty decides to return to Major Crimes following an incident with Bodie, and Bubbles turns himself in after his botched attempt at revenge. Last in the series. Series five begins on Thursday. 12.35 BBC News (S). 4.30 Close. 10.55 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands (R,S). 12.00 News At Noon (S). 12.30 A Place By The Sea (R,S). House- hunting in Torbay, Devon. 1.25 Channel 4 Racing From York (S). Alastair Down presents live coverage of four feature races on the opening day of the Ebor meeting. 3.45 Jamie At Home (R,S). Jamie Oliver prepares potato dishes. 4.10 Deal Or No Deal: Noels Hall Of Fame (R,S). Noel Edmonds introduces a memorable episode. 5.00 Come Dine With Me (R,S,HD). Four amateur chefs from Luton test their cooking skills. 6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 9/23. Homer is appointed bodyguard to Mayor Quimby, and finds himself up against local gangster Fat Tony. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Daniel confronts Abi when he discovers she has stopped drugging Ste, and Gilly tries to win Stephs affections. 7.00 News (S). 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Microsoft Babies (S). 6/8. A three-year-old boy and his father discuss food, music and the meaning of life as they commute to and from Microsofts UK headquarters in Reading every day. 8.00 Property Snakes And Ladders (S). 11/12. Sarah Beeny returns to Windsor to find out how budding property developers Patsy and John Parnell are coping with the housing market downturn and whether they have come any closer to their dream of mortgage-free living. She also revisits Andy and Amanda Tindall, who are planning to upgrade a three-bedroom house. 9.00 Big Brother (S). Fly-on-the-wall highlights from the house, including the latest round of nominations. 10.00 You Have Been Watching (S). 7/8. TV critic Charlie Brooker invites guests including David Mitchell and Ben Miller to take part in the comedy quiz examining the highs and lows of the weeks programmes. 10.50 8 Out Of 10 Cats (R,S). 6/13. Irreverent panel show hosted by Jimmy Carr, featuring guests Alex Zane, Stewart Francis, Kelly Osbourne and Andy Zaltzman. 11.25 The Kevin Bishop Show (R,S,HD). 3/6. The comedian spoofs TV, film and popular culture. 11.55 4Music: V Festival: The Countdown (S). A look ahead to the music event held in Chelmsford and Staffordshire this weekend. 1.00 Big Brother Live. More from the house. 4.00 The Track And Field Show (R,S). With Oscar Pistorius. 4.30 Formula Ford Championship (R,S). 4.55 World Sport (R,S). 5.20 Freesports On 4 (R,S). 5.50 The Treacle People (R,S). 10.45 Trisha Goddard (R,S). 11.45 House (R,S). 12.40 Five News (S). 12.50 Medical Investigation (R,S). An illness hits a seaside resort. 1.45 Neighbours (S). Karl jeopardises Libbys chance to have another child. 2.15 Zoo Days (R,S). The keepers track down an escaped tamarin. 2.45 Property List: Top Spots (R,S). Highlights from the series exploring the nations best homes. 3.00 Film: Breathing Lessons (S) (1994). Drama, starring James Garner. 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky (S). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S). 6.00 Michaelas Animal Road Trip (S). 12/20. Michaela Strachan heads to Noahs Ark Zoo Farm near Bristol where the staff are preparing for the arrival of two Bengal tigers, and a siamang gibbon is about to give birth. Elsewhere, head keeper Chris cares for a baby wallaby. 7.00 Five News At 7 (S). Isla Traquair presents a round-up of the days headlines from around the world. 7.30 Vets In Action (R,S). A 17- month-old boxer dog named Mia faces major surgery because one of her kneecaps keeps dislocating. Followed by Five News Update. 8.00 Big, Bigger, Biggest (S). Six design breakthroughs that have led to the construction of the state-of- the-art 45,000-ton Perdido oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico. The innovations that have made the build possible include the technology used for the underwater assembly of the Cognac rig, and the launch of a floating platform called the Auger. Followed by Five News At 9. 9.00 CSI: Miami (S). 8/25. The team investigates the case of a 10-month- old girl who was taken from her parents in a shopping mall. Horatio (David Caruso) finds the babys dummy, but a DNA test reveals she was conceived when her mother had an affair with a photographer. The father is brought in for questioning and reveals he played a part in his daughters kidnapping. 10.00 CSI: NY (R,S). Learning that two men called Mac Taylor have been killed, the detective suspects he could be next on a serial killers list of targets. However, when a motorist reports the murderer tried to steal her car keys before leaving to carry on his search, the team realises he has sworn revenge on a driver involved in a hit-and-run. Followed by Five News Update. 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (R,S). 8/23. Grissom is confronted by a staged suicide with haunting echoes of a previous case. Meanwhile, Warrick and Nick try to ascertain what made a tourists car flip over a cliff. 12.00 The Guardian (R,S). 1.00 US Tour Golf. 1.50 Ironman Triathlon. From the Virgin Islands. 2.20 ITU Triathlon. 3.10 European Challenge Tour Golf. 3.35 UEFA Cup Classic (R). 5.10 Neighbours (R,S). 5.35 Great Artists (R,S). Jan Vermeer. index.html2.html3.html4.html5.html6.html7.html8.html9.html10.html11.html12.html13.html14.html15.html16.html17.html18.html19.html20.html21.html22.html23.html24.html25.html26.html27.html28.html29.html30.html31.html32.html33.html34.html35.html