24 Thursday, 6 August 2009 London Lite Romantic comedies dont have to be bad. clichd, yes, awful, no. this, however, is one of the worst films ever. that Katherine Heigl and her mother were producers should, in a fair world, put the stars career in the deep freeze for a while. in this attempt to blend feminine romcoms with male- friendly gross-outs, Heigls uptight tV news producer abby sees her ratings soar when her team is joined by mike (Gerard Butler, mouth like an oyster), host of late- night cable show the Ugly truth. He likes to tell it how it is, informing female listeners: We fall in love with your t**s and your a**. and we stick around for what youre gonna do with them. Prissy abby and caveman mike hate each other at first but soon shes asking his advice on how to snaffle a doctor she fancies. out shopping for slutty clothes, he holds up a bra to tell her: Boobies in this say, Put me in your mouth, i taste good. Yes, really. then... oh, who am i kidding? its the least believable film ive seen since 10,000Bc. and at least that was meant to be nonsense. PC REVIEWSCINEMA Romcom is not a very pretty sight ThisJawslampoon failstomakewaves C mon, admit it, you expec- ted this to be an epic fail -- i know i did. all sum- mer ive been aware of this movie mouldering away on the release schedule like an overripe camembert. there had been few advance screenings and all the upfront buzz was focused, not on if G.i. Joe was going to tank, but on just how badly it would tank. Even in the screening there were groans during the opening credits when we saw that toy manufacturer H a s bro wa s i nvol ve d i n t he production. and that Sienna miller -- a woman better known for whose bed she currently occupies rather than the quality of her acting -- had a leading role. Hasbros involvement was perhaps to be expected, given the fact that the movie is based on the american ver- sion of the action man toy figure. But it doesnt exactly have you licking your lips in anticipation. We were all set for something even worse than transformers 2 (difficult to imagine, i know). So perhaps with levels of expecta- tion so low, its no surprise that i was pleasantly surprised by G.i. Joe. its all whizz-bang-pow, with all the subtlety of Jude Law in a room full of nannies, and it may even leave you with a headache (its very, very loud) but its undeniably good fun, a rumbustious, old-fashioned, all-action s u m m e r blockbuster. t h e f i l m k i c k s o f f in typically a d r e n a l i s e d f a s h i o n , w i t h square-jawed soldier- with-a-past Duke (channing tatum, a kind of Lidl Brad Pitt) and his wiseass pal Ripcord (marlon Wayans) attacked delivering a consignment of hi-tech military warheads that contain nanomites, microscopic robots that can munch through metal and rock. Dukes former squeeze ana (miller, having great fun with her Sarah Palin if she really were hot imper- sonation) attempts to half-inch the warheads but is thwarted by G.i. Joes alpha team, a black ops group of elite soldiers that includes the likes of ninja warrior Snake-Eyes (Ray Park), weapons specialist Heavy Duty (adewale akinnuoye-agbaje, sporting a stereotypical Lahndon accent thatd earn him a slap in his home manor of islington) and the gorgeous c r o s s b o w - wielding Scarlett (Rachel nichols). this mayhem G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra Cert 12A, 117 mins HHHII REVIEW BY PAUL CONNOLLY The Ugly Truth Cert 15, 96 mins HIIII Tough guy: Channing Tatum Miss Prissy: Heigl and Ugly Truth co-star Bree Turner Theres something big out there, intones Debbie Gibson. Indeed there is: a prehistoric mega shark, frozen in ice for millennia, is locked in mortal combat with its old foe the giant octopus. And both have got it in for planes. If youve seen the trailer, youve seen the best bits. This is one of the lamest films of all time -- the special effects look like they were filmed in a bath -- though the fact its meant to be terrible earns it an extra star. AC Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus Cert 15, 89 mins HHIII IN&OUTTONIGHT Siennahasa blastinthis funall-action blockbuster index.html2.html3.html4.html5.html6.html7.html8.html9.html10.html11.html12.html13.html14.html15.html16.html17.html18.html19.html20.html21.html22.html23.html24.html25.html26.html27.html28.html29.html30.html31.html32.html33.html34.html35.html