TELEVISION Filmchoice FILM RATINGS excellent very good good average poor KEY (R)repeat (S)subtitles on text service STEPHEN MARR BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Five London Lite Wednesday, 5 August 2009 17 10.30 No Place Like Home? (S) A family considers giving up life in France. 11.25 ITV News Headlines (S). 11.30 60 Minute Makeover (R,S). Transforming a house in Portslade, East Sussex. 12.30 Loose Women (S). 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.55 London News And Weather (S). 2.00 Dickinsons Real Deal (R,S). 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge (S). Andi Peters is the guest judge. 3.59 London Weather (S). 4.00 Heartbeat (R,S). Steve oversees an outdoor adventure course. 5.00 Golden Balls (S). Game show, hosted by Jasper Carrott. 6.00 London Tonight (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News (S); Weather. 7.00 Emmerdale (S). Lexi persuades Carl to give their marriage a second chance after assuring him he is more important to her than having a baby. See Soap Box 7.30 Grimefighters (S,HD). 3/24. Police help a council worker evict squatters in Leicester and two London sewer flushers reveal their unpleasant working conditions. Narrated by John Sergeant. 8.00 Midsomer Murders (S). A masterpiece by landscape artist Henry Hogson causes a stir when it is auctioned for 400,000 after a fierce bidding war -- and just hours later, its former owner is tortured and killed. When a Hogson work is then stolen, Barnaby decides to become an expert on the Midsomer painter with the help of art teacher Matilda Simms. He soon uncovers evidence of forgery -- but the killer is still at large. Guest starring David Bamber and Susannah Harker, with John Nettles and Jason Hughes. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather (S). 10.30 London News And Weather (S). 10.35 Total Emergency (R,S). 5/6. Police in Sheffield chase a stolen car towing a caravan, an ambulance crew treats a butcher whose hand was caught in a mincer and firefighters help move a heart attack victim. Melissa Berry narrates. 11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations (S). The work of fighter pilots and ground troops in Afghanistan, the heroes from a series of conflicts involving British forces, plus insights into Air Sea Rescue and the Red Arrows. 12.30 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Emergency (R,S); ITV News Headlines. 1.20 Loose Women (R). With Daniel Merriweather. 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 3.05 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Morning News (S). Susannah Harker 8pm, Midsomer Murders 11.00 The Flintstones (R,S). 11.25 The Flintstones (R,S). 11.50 Film: Russkies (S) (1987). Drama, starring Joaquin Phoenix. 1.20 Lifeline (R,S). 1.30 Animal Park (R,S). 2.15 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting (R,S). From Correggio market, Italy. 3.00 Monk (R,S). A woman is murdered during the San Francisco marathon. 3.45 Flog It! (R,S) From Poole. 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (S). Experts Tim Wonnacott and David Harper compete. 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic (R,S). Linda Barker auctions antiques for charity. 6.00 Eggheads (S). Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 Knowitalls (S). 8/15. Two teams of contestants are assigned topics and have just one hour to pool their knowledge before facing the experts, who today include Chris Packham. Gyles Brandreth hosts. 7.00 The Culture Show (S). 5/8. Lauren Laverne presents from the premiere of Pedro Almodovars Broken Embraces. Plus, director Sam Mendes and Arctic Monkeys discuss their latest projects. 7.50 Terns Of The Castle Coast (R,S). Following the migratory cycle of the Arctic tern as it flies from Antarctica to spend 12 weeks on the coast of Northumberland. 8.00 Economy Gastronomy (S). 1/6. New series. Allegra McEvedy and Paul Merrett show how to slash food bills but still eat well. They set out to help the Englands, a family who rely on convenience foods for their main meals and confess they have never used fresh produce in the kitchen. The duo set up a plan aimed at reducing the amount of money the family spend. See Ben Felsenburg 9.00 Dragons Den (S,HD). 4/8. Would-be entrepreneurs try to obtain backing for a fleet of hot and cold food vans, a new litter bin, a bespoke printing company and a suitcase that requires a 200,000 investment. Dragons Theo Paphitis, James Caan, Deborah Meaden, Peter Jones and Duncan Bannatyne assess the projects of this weeks hopefuls. Evan Davis presents. 10.00 Taking The Flak (S). 5/7. The team makes a trip to a school in the Bush but gets caught in the crossfire between government and rebel forces, while Harry and Graces driving lesson ends badly when they go off-road. John Humphrys appears as himself in the comedy, starring Martin Jarvis and Doon Mackichan. 10.30 Newsnight (S). With Kirsty Wark. Followed by Weather. 11.20 The Wire (S). 8/13. Bunk antagonises his colleagues by meddling in Omars case, Chris and Snoop send a message to the New York crew, and Michael is dismayed by the unexpected return of his mothers boyfriend. 12.20 The Supersizers Eat (R,S). Giles Coren and Sue Perkins taste the cuisine enjoyed by the aristocracy during the Middle Ages, including cockentrice and boars head, prepared by Martin Blunos. 1.20 BBC News (S). 3.55 Close. James Caan 9pm, Dragons Den 10.55 Rockcorps 2009 Live From Manchester (R,S). 11.45 The Saturdays Postcard From T4 On The Beach (S). 12.00 News At Noon (S). 12.30 A Place By The Sea (R,S). 1.35 Film: Death Drums Along The River (1963). Mystery, starring Richard Todd. 3.10 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (S,HD). 3.40 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (S,HD). The second dining challenge from Plymouth. 4.10 Deal Or No Deal: Noels Hall Of Fame (R,S). 5.00 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (S,HD). 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (S,HD). 6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 22/22. Reports of Mr Burns death in a landslide provoke a media storm. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Doms interference in Cindy and Tonys relationship causes problems, while Rhys and Josh are left homeless when Hayley throws them out. 7.00 News (S). 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: The Estate (S). 15/16. Examining how the estates demolition plans affect a shop in the area. 8.00 Location, Location, Location (S). 1/13. New series. Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer help two couples who are looking for their dream homes. Martine Wright is about to marry fianc Nick, and both are looking for a place where they can start a family. Meanwhile, Dina Mistry and Pradip Patel need advice after viewing nearly 50 properties with no result. See Ben Felsenburg 9.00 Big Brother (S). A chance to catch up on the latest action from the Big Brother house, as the contestants up for eviction this week hear the news. 10.00 Ugly Betty (S,HD). 7/24. A newly homeless Amanda (Becki Newton) moves in with Betty, who makes every effort to get the attention of her musician neighbour Jesse. Meanwhile, Cliff leaves Marc taken aback by suggesting they live together. Guest starring Val Emmich. 11.00 Skins (S,HD). 6/10. Naomi believes she has everyone worked out and knows the truth about all her friends -- until she is forced to face her insecurities when she goes head to head with Cook in the student elections. 12.05 Teachers (R,S). Brian becomes smitten with a new member of staff. 1.10 Big Brother Live. 4.00 Supporting Acts (R,S). 4.10 Film: Widow On The Hill (S) (2005). Drama, starring James Brolin. 5.40 The Hoobs (R,S). Becki Newton 10pm, Ugly Betty 10.45 Trisha Goddard (R,S). 11.45 House (R,S). 12.40 Five News (S). 12.50 Medical Investigation (R,S). 1.45 Neighbours (S). 2.15 Zoo Days (R,S). 2.50 Property List: Top Spots. Highlights from the series exploring the nations best homes. 3.05 Film: Columbo: Its All In The Game (S) (1993). An unlikely romance develops between the shabby sleuth and a woman he suspects of killing her lover. Detective drama, with Peter Falk and Faye Dunaway. 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky (S). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S). 6.00 Michaelas Animal Road Trip (S). 3/20. Michaela Strachan helps the team at Chester Zoo in Cheshire tend two rare newborn animals. Plus, a report on why wild black rhinoceros are on the brink of extinction, with only an estimated 700 remaining. 7.00 Five News At 7 (S). 7.30 Mean Machines (R,S). The evolution of submarines, from the German VIIC U-boat that saw service during the Second World War to the Royal Navys HMS Turbulent, the latest in billion-pound vessels that can stay submerged for up to 90 days. Plus, the Flying Dolphin -- a vessel built purely for fun. Followed by Five News Update. 8.00 Megastructures: Miami Demolition (S). A film following the destruction of the Sheraton Bal Harbour hotel in Miami Beach, Florida, to make way for a multi- billion-dollar complex of luxury apartments. The structure must be brought down in just 10 days, within predetermined fall zones to avoid damage to other buildings. Followed by Five News At 9. 9.00 Until Death (S) (2007). Premiere. A cop embarks on a mission to track down the drug lord who kidnapped his wife. Action thriller, with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Selina Giles. Includes Five News Update. 11.10 CCTV Cities (R,S). 2/4. Donal MacIntyre looks at the combined work of police and CCTV operators in Wigan, Greater Manchester, where drug abusers and a van thief are caught on film. 12.10 Poker. Action from the latest heat of the European Open V, as the players contested a place on the final table. 1.45 Cricket On Five (R). 4.20 Ironman Triathlon. From China. 5.10 Neighbours (R,S). 5.35 Great Artists (R,S). The life and legacy of Albrecht Durer. Donal MacIntyre 11.10pm, CCTV Cities Terminator 2 ITV2, 9pm (1991) ITS not directed by Fellini, nor does it star Olivier, but this film gets top marks for using digital cameras and revolutionising the way films were made. This time the Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger, above) is sent back to pre-apocalyptic America with a new mission: protect John Connor from a new and more sinister upgrade of the Terminator design. Nil By Mouth Film4, 11.10pm (1997) GARY OLDMAN tries his hand at standing behind the camera in his directorial debut. The result is an unflinching look at life at the bottom of the British class system. As one can imagine, there are many upsetting and desperate scenes. But there are also fleeting moments of humour. Ray Winstone, above, brings his gritty style to this film as the family patriarch. Highlander ITV4, 12.15am (1986) THIS films tagline is There can be only one. Its a pity the producers of the inferior Highlander sequels didnt pay more attention. Christopher Lambert, above, stars as one of a group of immortal warriors whose lives are only threatened by each other. They fight until only one man is left standing. Queen provides the soundtrack. Congo E4, 9pm (1995) ON FURTHER reflection, this stinker has been downgraded in the film ratings. A team of explorers ends up fighting evil apes guarding lost diamonds. Yep! Its that stupid. Dylan Walsh, above left, didnt do himself any favours by signing up to this one. Indeed, the only other thing of note on his CV is his leading role in Nip/Tuck. Thankfully, that God-awful gorilla was never seen again.