TELEVISION Filmchoice FILM RATINGS excellent very good good average poor KEY (R)repeat (S)subtitles on text service BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Five London Lite Thursday, 30 July 2009 25 Highlander ITV4, 9pm (1986) THE names Ramirez, Juan Sanchez Villa- Lobos Ramirez. Thats Sean Connerys name in this fantasy, which inspired several sequels. Yet Connery returned for only one -- presumably because he found the name a bit of a mouthful. Christopher Lambert, above, looks good for his age (400 years, give or take a birthday candle) as the immortal swordsman. Money Train BBC1, 11.15pm (1995) AFTER the success of White Men Cant Jump, Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson, pictured, teamed up again three years later to play New York transport cops -- and foster brothers -- who plot to rob the money train which collects the days subway takings. The stars still have chemistry, but are let down by the script, which comes off the rails too early on. Conan The Barbarian ITV4, 11.20pm (1982) A MAN from a small village gains wealth and fame through his physical prowess, rising to a position of political power. No, not the pitch for a biopic of Arnold Schwarzenegger, above, but the plot for the California governors early sword and sorcery success. Spooky. Hopefully thats where the comparison ends, as Conan seeks bloody revenge on a tribal warlord. Attack Force Five USA, 9pm (2006) STEVEN SEAGAL is out for revenge after his elite military unit is wiped out. Thank goodness the bit-part players keep telling us hes such a bad-a** -- our hero is now so well-upholstered its like watching the action film version of dad-dancing. Even though Seagal, above, gets a writing credit, hes not entirely to blame for the finished product, which was re-edited without his involvement. WENDY SAYERS 10.30 No Place Like Home? (S) 11.25 ITV News Headlines (S). 11.30 60 Minute Makeover (R,S). 12.30 Loose Women (S). With Lucy Porter and Brian Conley. 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.55 London News And Weather (S). 2.00 Dickinsons Real Deal (R,S). 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge (S). With Olympic gold- medallist Sally Gunnell. 3.59 London Weather (S). 4.00 Heartbeat (R,S). Merton and Jenny prepare to tie the knot, and Bellamy asks Blaketon how he can convince Gina that he really wants to marry her. 5.00 Golden Balls (S). 6.00 London Tonight (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News (S); Weather. 7.00 Emmerdale (S). Val (Charlie Hardwick) begs Rodney to keep her failed seduction a secret, Alan frets over how to tell Eddy he will not be going on the road trip, while Mark quizzes Ryan about Cain and Faye. 7.30 Countrywise (S). 19/36. The team is on the Isle of Wight, where Paul Heiney sails with an Olympic champion, and Rachel de Thame visits Ventnors botanic gardens. 8.00 Emmerdale (S). Val is devastated when Pollard reacts badly to her confession and tells her to leave, while Diane reveals she wants her out of her life. 8.30 Coronation Street (S). Joes desperation for drugs causes him to once again steal from Gail, and spurs David into blackmail. Becky plans some wedding surprises for Steve, and Chesney finds Fizs ring. 9.00 The Bill (S,HD). Mickey calls on bitter personal experience when he encounters a teenager who claims she has been raped. Suspicion falls on her current boyfriend, but sensitive questioning reveals the incident took place two years ago at a party when the girl was very drunk and the truth, if revealed, could blow two families apart. Chris Simmons and Patrick Robinson star. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather (S). 10.30 London News And Weather (S). 10.35 A Shot In The Dark: Real Crime (S). In 1999 Tony Martin shot two intruders who had broken into his farmhouse, killing one and wounding the other. Mark Austin reveals how the repercussions sparked a debate on self-defence. 11.35 Surface (R,S). 2/15. Laura and Rich investigate the carcass of a mysterious sea creature, but are detained for questioning by the authorities. Meanwhile, Miless discovery causes panic at a party. 12.30 British Superbike Championship Highlights. The seventh meeting of the season. 1.20 Motorsport UK (S). 2.10 Supernatural (R,S); ITV News Headlines. 2.55 Loose Women (R). With Lucy Porter and Brian Conley. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Morning News (S). Charlie Hardwick 7pm, Emmerdale 10.35 Serious Ocean (R,S). 11.05 The Flintstones (R,S). 11.30 Castle In The Country (R,S). 12.00 Open Gardens (R,S). Gardens in Somerset and Staffordshire. 12.30 Working Lunch (S). 1.00 Swimming (S). The World Aquatic Championships. Sharron Davies presents action from day four of the swimming events at the Foro Italico in Rome. 2.00 Live Golf: The Womens British Open (S). Hazel Irvine introduces coverage of the opening day from Royal Lytham & St Annes Golf Club in Lancashire, as Jiyai Shin begins the defence of her title. 6.00 Eggheads (S). Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 Knowitalls (S). 4/15. Contestants are given the topics of food, entertainment, business and politics, and have just one hour to pool their knowledge before facing the experts. Gyles Brandreth hosts. 7.00 Coast (R,S). 3/8. The team journeys from Cornwall to South Wales, with Neil Oliver visiting the site of the 1945 Welsh Great Escape where almost 70 German prisoners of war made a bid for freedom over the sand dunes at Bridgend. Renee Godfrey swims with seals off Lundy island, Nick Crane undertakes an epic climb and Hermione Cockburn looks at a building project. 8.00 Rick Steins Far Eastern Odyssey (S). 3/6. The chef continues his exploration of the Far Easts food cultures, travelling to Thailand where he meets David Thompson, who has devoted himself to understanding Thai cuisine. He also takes a train to Phuket to learn the art of hot and sour tom yum goong, and visits Melaka to explore the Nyonya-style cooking. 9.00 Mock The Week (S). 4/13. Dara OBriain hosts, with guests Adam Hills and Alun Cochrane joining Frankie Boyle, Hugh Dennis, Russell Howard and Andy Parsons. 9.30 Never Mind The Buzzcocks (R,S). 2/11. Host Simon Amstell is joined by regular Phill Jupitus and guest captain Stephen Fry, along with Dominic Cooper, Josie Long, Matt Schultz and Frankie Sandford. 10.00 Psychoville (S,HD). 7/7. Everyone finds themselves drawn back to the scene of the crime, but who summoned them and for what purpose remains a mystery. Meanwhile, Kerry takes Robert deep into the dark woods. Comedy thriller, written by and starring Reece Shearsmith. Last in the series. 10.30 Newsnight (S). With Martha Kearney. Followed by Weather. 11.20 Arena: The Hunt For Moby- Dick (R,S). Filmed over a four-year period, Arena follows Philip Hoare as he embarks on an epic journey of discovery for his new book tackling peoples fascination with the whale. He travels from his home town of Southampton to the whaling ports of America, before concluding his study in the Azores, exploring how each community interacts with the creatures. 12.35 BBC News (S). 4.15 Close. Reece Shearsmith 10pm, Psychoville 11.00 The OC (R,S). 12.00 News At Noon (S). 12.30 The Kitchen Pharmacy (R,S). 12.45 A Place By The Sea (R,S). 1.45 Channel 4 Racing From Glorious Goodwood (S). Alastair Down introduces live coverage of four races on the third day of the meeting, including the 3.25 Coutts Goodwood Cup (2m). 4.15 Deal Or No Deal (R,S). Another contestant hopes to win big money. 5.00 Wogans Perfect Recall (S). Memory game show. 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (S,HD). John Beachell hosts the final dinner party in East Yorkshire. 6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 18/22. Marge and Homer go on a second honeymoon, but Bart and Lisa are determined to deny them privacy. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Mercedes ventures to the Loft and gives Calvin a piece of her mind -- but he responds with an intriguing offer. 7.00 News (S). 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: The Estate (S). 12/16. A look at some of the wildlife living in the community on the Sighthill Estate in Glasgow. 8.00 The Home Show (S). 11/12. George Clarke helps the Wakeleys overhaul their property before they have to return to the turmoil of further surgery for their eight-year- old daughter Sophie, who has cerebral palsy. George is determined to give them the home they deserve, but is faced with one of his most challenging transformations that will involve some tough decisions. 9.00 How The Other Half Live (S). 1/3. New series. A wealthy family assists a less-privileged one, hoping their children will gain an understanding of what life is like for others. In this episode, nine-year-old Grace, who lives with her parents and brother in one of wealthiest parts of the country, meets 10-year- old Yolanda, who lives in a flat on a council estate. See Ben Felsenburg 10.00 Big Brother (S). Highlights from the housemates past 24 hours inside the Big Brother compound. 11.10 TNT Show (S). 8/12. Topical entertainment show, with Jack Whitehall and Holly Walsh. 11.40 You Have Been Watching (R,S). 4/8. With guests Richard Bacon, Frankie Boyle and Josie Long. 12.35 4Music: JD Set Presents: The Temper Trap (S). Interview with the Australian rock band. 12.45 Big Brother Live. More from the house. 4.00 Dispatches: Bankrolling Mugabe (R,S). 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge (R,S). 5.50 The Treacle People (R,S). George Clarke 8pm, The Home Show 10.45 Trisha Goddard (R,S). 11.45 House (R,S). Hugh Laurie stars. 12.45 Five News (S). 12.55 Wordplay (S). 1.45 Neighbours (S). Steph makes Libby a surprising offer. 2.15 Home And Away (S). 2.50 Wordplay Plus (S). Viewers take part in the daily quiz show. 3.10 Film: Vanished Without A Trace (S) (1999). A distraught mother swears revenge on the thug who kidnapped and killed her teenage daughter. Drama, with Shelley Long and William R Moses. 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky (S). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S). 6.00 Home And Away (R,S). Jai and Annie get lost while on the trek. 6.30 Rough Guide To Hidden Gems (R,S). 15/15. Toby Amies heads to Oaxaca in Mexico, where he samples the unique local cuisine, while Julia Bradbury rides around the historic town of Sintra in Portugal. 7.00 Five News At 7 (S). 7.15 Cricket On Five (S). England v Australia. Mark Nicholas introduces action from the opening day of the Third Test at Edgbaston, as England looked to build on their Second Test victory at Lords, which gave them a 1-0 lead in the series. With commentary by Geoffrey Boycott, Ian Chappell and Simon Hughes. Followed by Five News Update. 8.00 Blackbeards Last Stand -- Revealed (S). David Moore and a team of marine archaeologists explore a sunken wreck off the coast of North Carolina they believe could have been the pirates flagship, the Queen Annes Revenge. They try to prove the vessel originates from the early 18th century by carbon dating the finds. Last in the series. Followed by Five News At 9. 9.00 The Mentalist (S). 19/23. The detectives investigate the murder of a state representative who was shot dead during the production of a film he was funding. Patrick and Kimball apprehend the boyfriend of the victims daughter, but without solid evidence they are unable to make an arrest -- and resort to staging a Hollywood-style sting to uncover the truth. See Ben Felsenburg 10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit (R,S). 23/25. A waitress is found raped and murdered outside a nightclub, with suspicion falling on her ex-boyfriend. However, the detectives get a new lead when they discover the victim was in an abusive love affair with her boss, while news of her treatment is mistakenly leaked to her father. Mariska Hargitay stars. 11.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent (R,S). 19/23. A womans death is revealed to be the result of a poisoning and her jealous dentist husband immediately comes under suspicion -- until a similar case brings to light another suspect. 12.00 Quiz Call. Game show giving viewers the chance to phone in and answer questions for cash prizes. 4.00 NFL Classic (R). A memorable game. 4.45 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.10 Neighbours (R,S). 5.35 Home And Away (R,S). Mariska Hargitay 10pm, Law And Order: Special... index.html2.html3.html4.html5.html6.html7.html8.html9.html10.html11.html12.html13.html14.html15.html16.html17.html18.html19.html20.html21.html22.html23.html24.html25.html26.html27.html28.html29.html30.html31.html32.html33.html34.html35.html36.html37.html38.html39.html