TELEVISION Filmchoice FILM RATINGS excellent very good good average poor KEY (R)repeat (S)subtitles on text service STEPHEN MARR BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Five London Lite Wednesday, 22 July 2009 23 The Wicker Man ITV4, 11pm (1973) DISTURBING thriller starring Edward Woodward and Christopher Lee, above. Woodward plays Sergeant Howie, who is called to a remote island to investigate the disappearance of a young girl. The locals say the girl never existed, but the stubborn and God-fearing copper sticks with his investigation -- all the way to the end. Also stars Britt Ekland. The Silence Of The Lambs ITV2, 11.50pm (1990) JoDIE FoSTER, above, is superb as the ambitious but vulnerable FBI agent Clarice Starling, while Anthony Hopkins thoroughly deserved his oscar as the charming doctor with questionable table manners. But the most disturbing award must go to super psycho (and ultimate cross-dresser) Jame Buffalo Bill Gumb, played to perfection by Ted Levine. Chicago BBC1, 10.45pm (2002) CATHERINE ZETA-JoNES, above, Rene Zellweger and Richard Gere take the lead roles as Velma Kelly, Roxie Hart and Billy Flynn in this Hollywood adaptation of the Broadway musical. Its hard to believe that Zellweger did not have any professional singing or dancing experience before this film, and Gere took sixth months worth of tap-dancing lessons. Meet The Parents BBC3, 8pm (2000) MALE nurse Greg Focker meets his girlfriends parents for the first time, and his worst nightmare is realised when her father turns out to be a bit of a psycho. Focker learns that the father is a former CIA agent, and his discomfort increases when he discovers that the old man is up to something secretive. Stars Robert De Niro and Ben Stiller, above, who provide the bulk of the laughs. 10.30 No Place Like Home? (S). 11.25 ITV News Headlines (S). 11.30 60 Minute Makeover (R,S). 12.30 Loose Women (S). Katie Price and Stephen K Amos are todays guests. 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.55 London News And Weather (S). 2.00 Dickinsons Real Deal (R,S). From Southport, Merseyside. 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge (S). With former EastEnders star Hannah Waterman. 3.59 London Weather (S). 4.00 Heartbeat (R,S). An ex-con with a score to settle arrives in the village. 5.00 The Fuse (S). Game show, hosted by Austin Healey. 6.00 London Tonight (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News (S); Weather. 7.00 Emmerdale (S). Mark confronts Faye about her decision to move to the village and is shocked by her angry reaction. See Soap Box 7.30 Grimefighters (S,HD). 1/24. New series. Following the daily lives of specialist clean-up teams in the UK, beginning with an infestation of mice, Wolverhampton litter-pickers and pest-control in the Cotswolds. Narrated by John Sergeant. 8.00 Midsomer Murders (S). A prestigious golf club is the setting for murder when a player is bludgeoned to death on the 13th hole. Barnaby and Jones discover gambling, illegal money-lending and assault are rife among the snobbish members, who are also dismissive of the local villagers and only allow them onto the course for a few hours a week. Before long, another body turns up, making the detectives determined to catch this terror of the fairways. John Nettles and Jason Hughes star, with guest appearances from Nicholas Le Provost, John Standing and real-life golfer Sam Torrance. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather (S). 10.30 London News And Weather (S). 10.35 Total Emergency (R,S). 3/6. Sheffield police are out in force at a football derby with a history of violence and all three services search for a man suffering from Alzheimers missing for more than 15 hours. Narrated by Melissa Berry. 11.35 Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Action Stations (S). The work of fighter pilots and ground troops in Afghanistan. 12.30 Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Crime (R,S) Documentary following police officers in their fight against crime; ITV News Headlines. 1.25 Loose Women (R). Katie Price and Stephen K Amos are the guests. 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences. 3.05 ITV Nightscreen. Guide to ITV. 5.30 ITV Morning News (S). John Nettles 8pm, Midsomer Murders 10.35 Serious ocean (R,S). 11.05 The Flintstones (R,S). 11.30 Castle In The Country (R,S). 12.00 open Gardens (R,S). 12.30 Diving. 1.30 Working Lunch (S). 2.00 Living In The Sun (R,S). A Briton opens a hairdressing salon in Spain. 3.00 Murder, She Wrote (R,S). First part of the pilot episode, starring Angela Lansbury. 3.45 Flog It! (R,S). From Edinburgh. 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (S). With Paul Hayes and Kate Bliss. 5.15 Escape To The Country (R,S). Jules Hudson goes house- hunting along the Sussex-Surrey border. 6.00 Eggheads (R,S). Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds (R,S). 2/10. Radio DJ Tony Blackburn and singer Alvin Stardust try antique spotting. Tony is joined by fellow DJ Colin Berry, while Alvin is accompanied by his wife Julie. 7.00 The Culture Show (S). 3/8. Tim Marlow presents from Manchester International Festival and examines the collaboration between indie band Elbow and the Halle, the citys symphony orchestra. 7.50 Avocets -- Born Survivors (R,S). The life of the wading bird, whose elaborate courtship dances have proved fascinating for those interested in wildlife. 8.00 Home For Life (S). 2/3. Jamie Anley and Phil Nutley help two families to instil some individual designs into their properties. The Bundys from Walthamstow, are first-time buyers who want to reflect both their cultures -- British and Ukrainian -- in their home, while the Wolffs from Purley, Surrey, require a space that doubles as family pad and workplace. 9.00 Dragons Den (S). 2/8. Theo Paphitis, James Caan, Deborah Meaden, Peter Jones and Duncan Bannatyne assess business pitches including a new line of cosmetics for darker skin, and a range of eco- friendly disposable dinnerware, together with a proposal from a poker player. Evan Davis presents. See Ben Felsenburg 10.00 Taking The Flak (S). 3/7. Drama ensues when Harry meets his girlfriends father for the first time, while Janes patience is tested when Davids passport falls into the wrong hands. Elsewhere, Samantha has high hopes for the summer fte she has organised, but terrorism threatens to ruin the event. 10.30 Newsnight (S). With Gavin Esler. Followed by Weather. 11.20 The Wire (S). 2/13. Herc catches Royce in a compromising situation, and Carcetti drops a bombshell on his rival during a televised mayoral debate. While Prez prepares for the start of term, Marlo gives the neighbourhood children money for school gear. 12.20 The Supersizers Eat (R,S). Giles Coren and Sue Perkins head back to the Fifties to experience rationing, celebrate the Queens Coronation and learn to dance. 1.20 BBC News (S). 3.20 Close. Phil Nutley 8pm, Home For Life 11.00 Desperate Housewives (R). 12.00 News At Noon (S). 12.30 A Place By The Sea (R,S). 1.30 Film: Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye (S) (1950). Thriller, with James Cagney, Barbara Payton and Helena Carter. 3.25 Countdown (S). With Anton Du Beke in Dictionary Corner. 4.15 Deal or No Deal: Seaside Specials (S). Game show, with Noel Edmonds. 5.00 Wogans Perfect Recall (S). Four contestants compete for a cash prize. 5.30 Celebrity Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (S,HD). Pop singer Michelle Heaton hosts a dinner party. 6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 12/22. Milhouse moves to Capital City with his mother, while Homer resorts to begging to raise money for a gift. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Kris plans to stop Ravi fighting, as the boxer sets his sights on participating in another match to impress his brother. 7.00 News (S). 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: The Estate (S). 7/16. The profile of the Sighthill Estate in north Glasgow continues, following a Somalian asylum-seeker hoping for a better life in Scotland. 8.00 Embarrassing Teenage Bodies (S). 3/4. Examining how the doctors set out to help the people least likely to consult a doctor with an embarrassing illness -- teenage boys. They took their clinic to Newquay, a magnet for testosterone-fuelled lads whose normal response to a health problem is to ignore it and hope it goes away. 9.00 Big Brother (S). A chance to catch up on the latest action from the Big Brother house, as the contestants up for eviction this week hear the news. 10.00 Ugly Betty (S,HD). 5/24. Kimmie Keegan turns up at the office and asks Betty to help her find a job. Justin decides to audition for a Broadway production of Billy Elliot, and Daniel joins an online dating service -- with surprising results. Comedy, starring America Ferrera. 11.00 Skins (S,HD). 4/10. Pandora throws a party to cheer herself up -- but is unaware Katie has spiked the chocolate brownies. 12.05 4Music: Frankmusik: Live And Lost (R,S). 12.25 4Music: Friendly Fires: Video Exclusive (S). 12.30 4Music: 4Play: God Help The Girl (S). 12.45 Dirty Sexy Money (R,S,HD). 1.35 Big Brother Live. 4.00 3 Minute Wonder: If Not School, Then What? (R,S). 4.05 Revelations: The Exhumer (R,S). 5.00 Countdown (R,S). 5.45 The Hoobs (R,S). America Ferrera 10pm, Ugly Betty 10.45 Trisha Goddard (R,S). 11.45 House Doctor (R,S). 12.15 House Doctor (R,S). 12.45 Five News (S). 12.55 Wordplay (S). 1.45 Neighbours (S). Paul is charged with manslaughter. 2.15 Home And Away (S). 2.50 Wordplay Plus (S). Viewers take part in the daily quiz show. 3.05 Film: Columbo: The Murder of A Rock Star (S) (1991). The detective pits his wits against a defence lawyer who has murdered his rock star girlfriend. Drama, with Peter Falk and Little Richard. 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky (S). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S). 6.00 Home And Away (R,S). Jai and Xavier try to conceal the wound. 6.30 Rough Guide To (R,S). Highlights of the series, with Julia Bradbury exploring the dense rainforests and pristine beaches of Costa Rica and Toby Amies heading off the beaten track in Colombia. 7.00 Five News At 7 (S). 7.30 Mean Machines (R,S). The technology used in logging, from chainsaws with double-barrelled carburettors to a 13-tonne machine able to do the work of an entire team of lumberjacks. Also featured are such innovations as remote- controlled submarine the Sawfish, devised to fell underwater forests. Followed by Five News Update. 8.00 Build A New Life In The Country (S). Charlie Luxton meets a Leeds couple who want to turn a run-down croft on the Isle of Harris into a campsite. As they wait for their application to be approved, they rely on their savings to do much-needed work, but with the cash running dry, the pair have to find alternatives to keep their dream alive. Followed by Five News At 9. 9.00 Gridiron Gang (S) (2006). Premiere. A probation officer boosts morale at a detention centre by assembling a football team. Fact- based sports drama, starring Dwayne Johnson. 11.35 Police Interceptors: Special Edition (R,S). A look behind the scenes of the crime series and how the Elite Essex Interceptor Unit goes about its daily business of making the streets safer. 12.05 Poker. Action from the final heat of the European open V, where the likes of Finlands Juha Helppi were aiming to reach the semi-finals. 1.40 NASCAR (R). The Daytona 500. 2.30 Cricket on Five (R). England v Australia. 5.10 Neighbours (R,S). 5.35 Home And Away (R,S). 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