TELEVISION Filmchoice FILM RATINGS excellent very good good average poor KEY (R)repeat (S)subtitles on text service STEPHEN MARR BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Five London Lite Thursday, 9 July 2009 25 The Untouchables Film4, 9pm (1987) THANKFULLY, you dont have to be a fan of Kevin Costner, above, to enjoy this film. Its loosely based on historic fact, it has a great cast, and even Costners usual smug delivery is appropriate for his role as crime fighter Eliot Ness. Both Sean Connery and Robert De Niro are dependably brilliant in their roles as Jim Malone and Al Capone, respectively. The 40 Year Old Virgin ITV2, 11pm (2005) THIS film was a pleasant surprise. The title suggests something childish and grubby, when its actually quite a tender, modern love story. The best bit is that almost every character is worth watching. I personally love foul-mouthed Asian shop assistant Mooj (played by the aptly named Gerry Bednob). Stars Steve Carell and Catherine Keener, above. First Blood Part II ITV4, 10.05pm (1985) THE guy who really ruins this film for me is Richard Crenna as Colonel Samuel Trautman. Hes always standing around with this holier-than-thou look on his face, burping up gung-ho lines like, What you call hell, he calls home etcetera. Otherwise its a good old-fashioned war film, with Sylvester Stallone, above, killing everything that moves. One Night At McCools Film4, 11.15pm (2001) CONSIDERING this films exceptional cast, it really should be better than it is. Liv Tyler, above, absolutely sizzles as Jewel -- a young woman who changes the lives of every man she meets. As a result, three hapless guys have totally different recollections of one night with her at McCools bar. Also stars Michael Douglas, Matt Dillon, John Goodman, Paul Reiser and Andrew Dice Clay. 10.30 This Morning (S). With comedian Dara OBriain. 12.30 Loose Women (S). Celebrity interviews and topical debate from a female perspective. 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.55 London News And Weather (S). 2.00 Dickinsons Real Deal (R,S). From Southport, Merseyside. 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge (S). Actor and singer Stefan Booth is the judge. 3.59 London Weather (S). 4.00 Midsomer Murders (R,S). Part two. The bell-ringers of Midsomer Wellow fear for their lives. 5.00 The Chase (S). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh. 6.00 London Tonight (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News (S); Weather. 7.00 Emmerdale (S). Val conspires with Lisa to get the factory broken into by the Dingles, and Mark is hurt to discover Natasha is leaving on holiday sooner than he thought. 7.30 Countrywise (S). 16/36. The team travels to Lough Erne in Northern Ireland, where Paul Heiney visits a mystical island and goes birdwatching, while Bettany Hughes tours a famous factory. 8.00 The Bill (S,HD). Part four of six. Callum urges Smithy (Alex Walkinshaw) to deny any knowledge of how Jason Devlin was beaten up, but the landlord files a complaint accusing him of the assault and of planting a bag of stolen jewellery in his car. One of the gangsters henchmen cracks under interrogation and admits his boss is involved in people-trafficking. 9.00 Trial And Retribution (R,S). 8/10. The diary is called into question when Ronnie Reid refutes the evidence provided within it and is backed up by the victims mother. With no grounds on which to charge him, the man is released but the discovery of CCTV footage forces Walker into a race against time to solve the case before the truth is taken to the grave. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather (S). 10.30 London News And Weather (S). 10.35 Cops With Cameras (R,S). 6/6. Grampian police target a major problem on the regions roads - drunk and dangerous young drivers. South London officers race to stop a confrontation spiralling out of control. Last in the series. 11.35 Levity (S,HD) (2003). Premiere. A killer returns home after 23 years in jail and befriends the sister of his victim. Drama, starring Billy Bob Thornton, Morgan Freeman, Holly Hunter and Kirsten Dunst. 1.15 Motorsport UK (S). High-speed coverage from around the country. 2.05 Supernatural (R,S) Sam and Dean discover a horrifying video. Drama, with Jensen Ackles; ITV News Headlines. 2.55 Loose Women (S). 3.45 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Morning News (S). Alex Walkinshaw 8pm, The Bill 10.35 In The Night Garden (R,S). 11.05 The Flintstones (R,S). 11.30 Castle In The Country (R,S). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 12.30 Working Lunch (S). 1.00 Animal Park (R,S). 2.00 Axe The Agent? (S). A woman and a couple hope to sell their homes. 3.00 Murder, She Wrote (R,S). Jessica solves a mystery. 3.45 Flog It! (R,S). The team visits St Albans, Hertfordshire. 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (S). Eric Knowles and Jonty Hearnden visit a UK antiques market. 5.15 Escape To The Country (R,S). A couple search for a larger home. 6.00 Eggheads (R,S). Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds (R,S). 6/12. Keith Chegwin and Sally James search for bargains at an antiques centre in Chiswick, London, before taking their selected items to auction in Wandsworth. 7.00 How The Celts Saved Britain (S). 1/2. Dan Snow unravels the mystery of the lost years of 400- 800AD, looking at the demise of civilisation in Britain following the collapse of the Roman Empire, and revealing how Christianity transformed Ireland into a cultural powerhouse. Concludes tomorrow. 8.00 RHS Hampton Court Flower Show 2009 (S). Joe Swift and Rachel de Thame join James Wong to continue their tour of the prestigious event, where show gardens mark the anniversary of Henry VIIIs accession to the throne 500 years ago with a tribute to his six wives. The grow your own exhibits are used to create pizzas for the BBCs gardening presenters. 9.00 Mock The Week (S). 1/13. New series. Dara OBriain returns for the quiz, with Frank Skinner and Gina Yashere joining Frankie Boyle, Hugh Dennis, Russell Howard and Andy Parsons. See Ben Felsenburg 9.30 That Mitchell And Webb Look (S,HD). 5/6. A pair of cellists who want to build an airport, some bad news about toast, and the secret behind the futuristic cult of Vectron. 10.00 Psychoville (S,HD). 4/7. In an episode inspired by Hitchcocks thriller Rope, shot entirely in two long takes, David and his mother Maureen continue their killing spree, but are interrupted by an unexpected visitor who throws them into a panic. Comedy, starring Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton. 10.30 Newsnight (S). With Gavin Esler. Followed by Weather. 11.20 Golf: The Scottish Open (S). Highlights of the opening days play at Loch Lomond Golf Club, as Graeme McDowell began the defence of his title. The Ryder Cup player opened with a round of 67 here last year, which was enough to put him in a tie for seventh going into the second day. 12.20 BBC News (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone: Languages And Travel: Germany Inside Out 1-4. A guide to the people, travel and culture of Germany. Rachel de Thame 8pm, Hampton Court Flower Show 11.00 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 12.00 News At Noon (S). 12.30 Life Class: Todays Nude (S). 1.00 Post Modern Pastimes (R,S). Profile of a croquet player. 1.15 Channel 4 Racing From Newmarket (S). Including the 3.10 Princess of Waless Stakes (1m 4f). 3.25 Countdown (S). 4.15 Deal Or No Deal (S). Another contestant hopes to win big. 5.00 Wogans Perfect Recall (S). General knowledge and memory game show. 5.30 Celebrity Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (S,HD). MC Harvey hosts the final dinner party. Last in the series. 6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 3/22. Lisa is elected student president and falls foul of Principal Skinner. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Daniel steps up his plan to ruin Ste, and Spencers dreams of running away with his brother are shattered, while Malachy lays down the law with Cheryl. 7.00 News (S). 7.55 The Political Slot (S). 4/4. Elfyn Llwyd MP from Plaid Cymru investigates the cases of Patagonian women visiting relatives in Wales who are being refused entry at Heathrow. Last in the series. 8.00 The Home Show (S). 8/11. Marek Saykali was living with his brother in a mansion flat in Maida Vale, but now his girlfriend Natalia has moved in and she is determined to turn the bachelor pad into a cosy retreat for the couple. They have high expectations, but architect George Clarke is not convinced their 100,000 budget will be enough to match their ambition. 9.00 Gerrys Big Decision (S). 2/3. A village in Lancashire is dependent on a chair manufacturer, but a conflict between the managing director and the owner could mean the end of 150 years of tradition. In Devon, the owner of a firm making pies fears his company could disappear. Both companies try to persuade Gerry Robinson to invest in their businesses. See Ben Felsenburg 10.00 Big Brother (S). Highlights from the housemates past 24 hours inside the Big Brother compound as cameras observe their every move. 11.10 TNT Show (S). 5/12. Topical entertainment show, with Jack Whitehall and Holly Walsh. 11.45 Derren Brown: Trick Or Treat (R,S). 5/6. A woman learns to play the piano in two weeks. 12.15 You Have Been Watching (R,S). 1.05 Big Brother Live. 4.00 3 Minute Wonder: Found Family Footage (R,S). 4.05 Teenagers Fighting Cancer (R,S). 5.00 3 Minute Wonder: Found Family Footage (R,S). 5.05 Countdown (R,S). 5.50 The Treacle People (R,S). George Clarke 8pm, The Home Show 10.45 Trisha Goddard (R,S). 11.45 House Doctor (R,S). 12.15 House Doctor (R,S). 12.45 Five News (S). 12.55 Wordplay (S). 1.45 Neighbours (S). Steph struggles to be honest with Greg. 2.15 Home And Away (S). Geoff warns Lachie to stay away from Claudia. 2.50 Wordplay Plus (S). Daily quiz show. 3.10 Film: Mind Of The Crime (S) (2004). A housewife discovers she has a talent for detective work after snooping on her husband. Comedy drama, starring Lauren Holly. 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky (S). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S). 6.00 Home And Away (R,S). Miles angers Kirsty by telling Alf that they are thinking of having a baby. 6.30 Zoo Days (R,S). 17/20. The keepers track down an escaped tamarin, and take decisive action to save the life of a crowned crane chick. Konnie Huq presents. 7.00 Five News At 7 (S). 7.15 Cricket On Five (S). England v Australia. Action from day two of the First Test at the SWALEC Stadium in Cardiff. England have not won the opening match of an Ashes series since 1997, and even despite that success, failed to maintain the winning momentum and went on to lose 3-2 over the course of six Tests. Followed by Five News Update. 8.00 The Real Goldfinger -- Revealed (S). In 1914, agents of MI5 exposed a plot to raid the Bank of England. In this programme, the documentary examines similarities between the scheme and one featured in 007 novel Goldfinger, suggesting the German spymaster responsible for concocting the plan was the inspiration for Ian Flemings villain. Followed by Five News At 9. 9.00 The Mentalist (S). 16/23. Patrick is temporarily blinded while trying to escape from an explosion, but despite his disability, insists on investigating the death of a financial adviser caught in the blast. However, when he uncovers a link between the victim and his own past, he is forced to question whether the bomber is a former client bearing a grudge. See Ben Felsenburg 10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit (R,S). 20/25. A quadruple homicide with sexual undertones marks the beginning of a killing spree that has the entire squad racing against the clock to stem the tide. The investigation leads the detectives from one murder victim to another before the trail ends at a man with a painful secret. Frank Langella guest stars. 11.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent (R,S). 16/23. Goren investigates the macabre case of a shooting victim who has been discovered in a vegetative state with her donor kidney removed. Drama, starring Vincent DOnofrio. 12.00 Quiz Call. Interactive game show. 4.00 NFL Classic. (R) Action from a memorable American football encounter. 4.45 Wildlife SOS. (R,S) The work of an animal sanctuary. 5.10 Neighbours (R,S). 5.35 Home And Away (R,S). Frank Langella 10pm, Law And Order... index.html2.html3.html4.html5.html6.html7.html8.html9.html10.html11.html12.html13.html14.html15.html16.html17.html18.html19.html20.html21.html22.html23.html24.html25.html26.html27.html28.html29.html30.html31.html32.html33.html34.html35.html36.html37.html38.html39.html