TELEVISION Filmchoice FILM RATINGS excellent very good good average poor KEY (R)repeat (S)subtitles on text service STEPHEN MARR BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4 Five London Lite Tuesday, 7 July 2009 21 Chinatown Film4, 10.50pm (1974) DIRECTOR Roman Polanski brings the best out of Jack Nicholson, above, in this classic. Jake Gittes is a former cop and now a private detective, who gets caught up in a complex web of deceit. The film is gritty, dark and seedy -- but the plot isnt peppered with excess profanity or nudity. Still, its probably not a kids show -- as my Mum would say. National Lampoons Animal House ITV4, 10.05pm (1978) THIS would probably be a lot funnier for people who have attended American colleges. As it is, its pretty funny. John Belushi, above, stars in this wild take on frat houses. Dean Wormer is very protective of his beloved Faber College. The only problem is that the boys of Delta House are so out of control they threaten the colleges very existence. Girl With A Pearl Earring BBC2, 9pm (2003) THE paintings of 17th-century Dutch artist Johannes Vermeer dont spring to mind as the subject for a modern-day blockbuster. Yet this film is gripping enough, as it follows the fortunes of maid Griet -- who gets more than enough attention (wanted or otherwise) in the Vermeer household. Stars Scarlett Johansson, above, Colin Firth and Tom Wilkinson. My Super Ex-Girlfriend Film4, 9pm (2006) THEY say that breaking up is hard to do. Try doing it when your ex-girlfriend is a possessive so-and-so with super powers. When Matt Saunders breaks up with Jenny Johnson, her alter ego G-Girl goes into overdrive -- using her powers to make his life a misery. Sounds like a great vehicle for comedy, and it is. But this film doesnt realise its potential. Stars Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson, above. 10.30 This Morning (S). Denise Robertson revisits two orphan boys in Uganda. 12.30 Loose Women (S). 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.55 London News And Weather (S). 2.00 Dickinsons Real Deal (R,S). From Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire. 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge (S). Comedian Mel Giedroyc judges todays dishes. 3.59 London Weather (S). 4.00 Midsomer Murders (R,S). Part two of two. Barnaby tries to find a motive for the property developers murder. 5.00 The Chase (S). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh. 6.00 London Tonight (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV Evening News (S); Weather. 7.00 Emmerdale (S). Natasha and Mark visit Faye to persuade her to leave the area for good in return for money, but the couple become involved in a heated exchange after bumping into Ryan. Nicola urges Lexi to be straight with Carl about her infertility, but his unemotional response leads her to blame herself for ruining their lives. See Soap Box 9.00 Ladette To Lady (S). 6/6. The three surviving girls attend the graduation ball at one of Britains finest country houses and put into practice everything they have learned, from constructing a towering cake to tying a presentation bouquet of fresh flowers. The trio deliver speeches about their personal journeys at Eggleston Hall. Last in the series. 11.05 Supernatural (S). 14/22. Dean is shocked by a phone call from Sam, who is covered in blood and has no idea how it got there -- but all is revealed when the brothers discover a horrifying video. Drama, starring Jensen Ackles. 12.05 Red Bull Air Race 2009. Race three. 12.55 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime (R); ITV News Headlines. 1.50 Loose Women (R). 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 3.30 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Morning News (S). 10.35 In The Night Garden (R,S). 11.05 The Flintstones (R,S). 11.30 Castle In The Country (R,S). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 12.30 Working Lunch (S). 1.00 Animal Park (R,S). The lions play with supersized cat toys. 2.00 Axe The Agent? (S). 3.00 Murder, She Wrote (R,S). Disaster strikes on the set of a sitcom. 3.45 Flog It! (R,S). Auctioning antiques in Northampton. 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (R,S). Eric Knowles and Jonty Hearnden compete at a car boot sale. 5.15 Escape To The Country (R,S). House-hunting near Southampton. 6.00 Eggheads (R,S). Quiz show. 6.30 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds (R,S). 8/10. Helen Lederer and Bobby Davro search for antiques in Chelsea. Presenter Tim Wonnacott also talks to Helen about wine collectables and uncovers Bobbys interest in fishing. 7.00 On Thin Ice (R,S). 2/5. Doubts about Jonny Lee Millers commitment begin to surface as the trio compete in the London Marathon, and when he is forced to pull out of the challenge, they hold a public selection weekend for a replacement team-mate. However, hopes of competing in the race to the South Pole are jeopardised when Ben Fogle contracts an illness. 9.00 Girl With A Pearl Earring (S) (2003). A girl takes up the job as a maid in the household of the artist Vermeer -- but her presence provokes friction in the family and the jealousy of his wife when the servant catches the painters eye. Peter Webbers 17th-century period drama adapted from the novel by Tracy Chevalier, starring Scarlett Johansson. See Film Choice 11.20 The Wire (S). 8/12. The Major Case Unit tracks the buyer of disposable phones for the Barksdale organisation, while Brianna and McNulty sit down for a heart-to- heart about DAngelo. Avon tries to ensnare Marlo in a trap, but his rival senses something is wrong. Continues tomorrow. 12.20 BBC News (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone: Languages And Travel: Deutsch Plus 9-16. German drama designed for people learning the language. 11.00 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 12.00 News At Noon (S). 12.30 Life Class: Todays Nude (S). 1.05 My Place In The Sun (S). 1.35 Film: Black Narcissus (S,HD) (1947). Oscar-winning drama, starring Deborah Kerr. 3.25 Countdown (S). With Donal MacIntyre. 4.15 Deal Or No Deal (S). Game show, with Noel Edmonds. 5.00 Wogans Perfect Recall (S). General knowledge and memory game show. 5.30 Celebrity Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (S,HD). Singer Lynsey de Paul presents her guests with a meat-free menu. 6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 1/22. Spooky Halloween tales. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Darren sees his new marriage as a way to further his prospects, Malachy may be hiding something from Mercedes (Jennifer Metcalfe), and Ash seems on a mission to dupe Spencer. 7.00 News (S). 7.55 The Political Slot (S). 2/4. The Conservative Partys Joanne Cash joins Sayeeda Warsi, Shadow Minister for Community Cohesion and Social Action to take part in volunteer work in central London. 9.00 Big Brother (S). Highlights from the housemates past 24 hours inside the Big Brother compound as cameras observe their every move. 11.25 Rude Tube (R,S). 3/7. Interviews with people who create internet clips -- including a British fluteboxer, a Norwegian video editor, and a tongue-sewing artist. 11.55 World Series Of Poker Europe (R). Both halves of the draw come together for the first time. 1.00 Big Brother Live. 3.55 Freesports On 4 (R,S). 4.20 World Sport (R,S). 4.50 Formula Ford Championship (R,S). 5.15 FIA GT3 Championship (S). 5.40 World Superbikes. Round nine from Donington. 10.45 Trisha Goddard (R,S). 11.45 House Doctor (R,S). 12.15 House Doctor (R,S). 12.45 Five News (S). 12.55 Wordplay (S). 1.45 Neighbours (S). Bridget and Declan agree to compromise. 2.15 Home And Away (S). 2.50 Wordplay Plus (S). Viewers take part in the daily quiz show. 3.00 Film: Charms For The Easy Life (S) (2002). Three generations of ambitious women defy convention and follow their dreams. Drama, starring Gena Rowlands, Mimi Rogers and Susan May Pratt. 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky (S). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S). 6.00 Home And Away (R,S). A jobless Aden worries he will not be able to pay for Belles ring, but rejects an offer from a loan shark. 6.30 Michael: The World Says Goodbye (S). Coverage of Michael Jacksons memorial service, live from Los Angeles. 9.00 CSI: Miami (S). 2/25. An investigation into an alleged petrol- siphoning operation, seemingly organised by villains determined to cash in on a fuel shortage, exposes the activities of a crook with far darker and more sinister motives. Drama, starring David Caruso, Emily Procter and Adam Rodriguez. 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (R,S). 2/23. A man kills himself just hours after winning a $40million slot-machine jackpot at a casino, and Catherine vows to solve the Holly Gribbs murder. 12.00 Criminal Minds (R,S). The team joins forces with the CIA. 1.00 US Tour Golf. 2.00 European Challenge Tour Golf. Highlights of three events on the tour. 2.25 UEFA Cup Classics (R). 4.20 NBA 360. Basketball news. 5.10 Neighbours (R,S). 5.35 Home And Away (R,S). 8.00 The Great British Foreign Holiday (S). Actor, presenter and comic Mark Benton examines the nations attitude toward foreign countries, investigating why far- flung locations are capable of inspiring such an exotic allure. He documents the unusual habits of British people in distant climes, the anxieties they suffer and the trips they have taken. 8.00 Homes from Hell (R,S). Real- life stories of property nightmares, including a couple who bought their cliff-top house on one of the fastest receding strips of coastline in the UK and watched as it crumbled into the sea, and an owner whose dream of a perfect home was ruined by her neighbours 61 cats. Plus, a couples dramatic escape from a torrent of water pouring into their property. 8.00 Property Snakes And Ladders (S). 5/11. In Broadstairs, Kent, Neil Hornsey and Alison Gurr think a lock-up in an alley between a pub and a fishmonger holds the key to their fortune. Meanwhile, Sue Ward in Thetford, Norfolk, takes on a former jailhouse complete with a dungeon. Sarah Beeny thinks mistakes are being made with both projects. See Ben Felsenburg 8.00 Monster Moves (S). Retired surgeon Jack Sternlieb invested 7m in his luxury yacht the Star Sapphire and sailed it around the Mediterranean coast. Now he has decided to return home to Florida, giving the crew of semi-submersible carrier the Yacht Express the task of moving it across the Atlantic. Followed by Five News At 9. 10.30 Newsnight (S). Analysis of the days events, presented by Emily Maitlis. Followed by Weather. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather (S). 10.30 London News And Weather (S). 10.35 Hollywood Lives (S). 5/6. Celebrities reveal the seedy side of the acting business as they share their experiences of the casting couch. There is an insight into how some Beverly Hills estate agents secure business from A-list clients. 10.00 You Have Been Watching (S). 1/8. New series. Charlie Brooker invites four guests to take part in a comedy quiz examining the highs and lows of the weeks programmes. See Ben Felsenburg 10.50 The Inbetweeners (S). 2/6. Will is unhappy about being forced to take a job at a garage for work experience due to a mix-up that sees Neil joining a newspaper. 10.00 CSI: NY (R,S). The team embarks on a desperate search to find the source of a radioactive substance that has already claimed three lives at a Maroon 5 concert, and hospitalised Sid. Evidence leads them to the antiquities section of the New York library -- and the finger of suspicion soon points to a former employee. Gary Sinise stars. Followed by Five News Update. H index.html2.html3.html4.html5.html6.html7.html8.html9.html10.html11.html12.html13.html14.html15.html16.html17.html18.html19.html20.html21.html22.html23.html24.html25.html26.html27.html28.html29.html30.html31.html32.html33.html34.html35.html